New year. So?

Hmm, I feel like I don't give a damn about new year because this year aint my year. I'm not having fun this year. 2010 haven't been so nice to me, man. Seriously! First, its about break ups, and this and that. FUCK! Pleassseeeeeeeeee 2011, bring me more prosperity in this new year. No more this sorta things. I want to enjoy this 2011. 9th January is my upcoming birthday. Genting? Hmm cancelled. :'( What can I do man. No luck. See? I told yah! Tasha, concentrate on your studies first can you? Stop fooling around! Serious serious! heshhh

New year punye azam?

Hmm, I dont know. Too many resolutions. I think I'm going to skip that one. Bye

hmm :)

Okay I know its already 11:51 pm and I'm not in my room. I'm outside! Haha. I'm having a serious time with the wifi coverage here. Damn you wifi! Actually I'm waiting for Adam Jamil on skype, but he's not here yet. Adam, where the hell are you?! =.=' Lambat gila okay. So, as said I will tell you about Adam here.

Hmmm, adam eh? Adam, die gila. HAHA. No no. He's funny. He has a way to make me laugh. He tries to find a way to keep me laughing. You did a very good job keeping me gila gila lah Adam. FYI, I dont usually call him Adam. I call him Damdam. Macam name manja like that :p And of course he calls me by other name, and its Shashon. Haha. I have no idea kenapa Shashon but sokay Damdam, I dont mind :) There's a lot of things about Damdam that I soooo wanted to tell you guys but lets keep it safe first. Taknak cerita lebih2.

Sebenarnye aku dah naik seram duduk kt luar nh. Bukan ape, kt luar nh byk lipas D; omg omg. gua shin cioau dulu!

Banyak nk cerita nh doh!

Weehee finally dpt jugak Wifi yg dah tgu lama nk mampos mcm pan***. So byk bnde aku nk cerita nh. Hmm so far , poli's doing good. Everything went well, just a little tired going to classes and stuff. Korang dah taw roomate aku sape kea belum? Tataw ehh? Takyah taw lah. Okay, yg baring sebelah aku Fizah. Depan aku Dilah and sebelah die Kina. Nk kate dorg nh bosan tak jugak. Sume gila. Gila gila gila! hahah aku mmg tak kisah berkawan dgn yg gila2 nh. So couple of days past kawan aku yg Fizah asyik sakit. And dah jadi tanggungjawab aku dgn roomate utk jage die. Tp skrg Fizah dah balik sbb takut sakit die melebih2 pulak en. So other than my roomates, aku ade kenal ramai lagi kawan baru kt sini. Takpayah mention takpe kan sbb aku malas nk type doh harinh. Takpe2. Aku tunjuk gmbr nak? Haaaa nty2. :)

And and, kt sini jugak aku kenal this guyyyyyyyy :) Name die tataw so aku panggil die 'Bro'. First time jumpe dkt skatepark sini. Die tgh skate and aku dtg situ nk tgk sbb nty aku nak main rollerblade aku kt situ. Then borak2 lah dgn die, tye die dari mane blah blah blah. Okay, itu satu.. Lagi satu, hmmm name die pon tataw jugak tp aku panggil 'Spiky' :) . Taw die masa MSK ( jangan tye MSK nh ape ) . Aku panggil die Spiky sbb rambut die. Okay, rambut die cacak sumpah lain drpd yg lain. Kt sini mmg byk rambut pacak tp die sorg jea pacak lain mcm. And so far aku nmpk die sorg jea yg pakai Supra kt sini. pfftt =.=' tp waddahell, die cute lah bodoh.

Banyak tak cerita aku? Tak eh? Okay. Selain dr cerita dalam poli, cerita luar poli pon ade. Nak cerita pasal Adam Jamil tp mcm segan ah! hahaha. Nantilah cerita. Okay bye

This one is for you guys.

Heyy my chicks and dicks! omg omg. I can't believe that I'm actually going. Going to a different life. Life that I've been waiting for so long. Aiceh :p Well, all I wanted to write tonight is specially dedicated to my friends. My beloved Atiq Mazlan and Eqa Mazhar. You two have been such strong backbone for me. You guys are the kinda friends I can't afford to lose. Today, Atiq keep telling me not to go. She told me she's about to cry. Haha, Atiq. I won't be going away forever lah minah. I'll be home just to see you. Trust me I would. Aku tak sabar nak celebrate birthday kite. We'll be sure to make it a memorable one. Okay? All for us. I can't believe that I still have my friends when I'm going all up and down. Macam mane aku nk explain? You all are soooo SOO amazing. Thanks for those yg slalu bg advise, always telling me to cheer up, to smile, to keep on laughing. Ishh you guys rock okay? You definitely rock my fucking world. What would happen to me without you guys :') I love you guys more than just a word. Its pretty hard to explain how much I appreciate you guys. Hopefully when I'm there, you guys wont forget me. Because I will be needing you guys, EVERYDAY! :D Its that enough? haha. I hope so. Thank you thank you so so much weyh! Aku bg hadiah kt sorg2. Nahh! muah muah! hahaha. :p

Today jugak I met my grandma. She cried after giving me a hug. Opah, angah sayang opah okay? Opah jaga angah dari kecik lagi. Eventhough bile angah dah besar nh angah slalu buat hal dgn opah, slalu bgon lmbt, nk buat mcm mane lagi kan. Angah tetap sayang opah :') I'll always be your favourite grand daughter.

And to my family, mama, ayah, thanks for all your sincere support. My parents are by far the most loving parents ever. Okay I know korang ade lagi loving but I think I'm enough with mine. I love my family. My family is at the number 1 spot. My adik2, aku tak sayang korang. Korang suka buat taik dgn aku. Aku yg kakak nh lah korang nk buli. =.=' so not nice.

And lastly to my one and only sayang, Juno. Baby, I won't be long there okay? I'm gonna miss you really REALLY bad! Nty kite suruh kakcik jaga Juno elok2 k? I love you too much Juno. I'm gonna miss you every single day. I mean every second, every minute, every hour, every day, every week, every month! haa every ape lagi?! Aku sayang kau gila babi taw! I will always do. :')

Fuhh, penat type. So, guys, pray for my survival there. HAHA. And always have me in your mind, because you guys are permanently in mine. =.=' :D Goodnight!

Lots of love and xoxoxoxoxoxoxox,
Natasha Azlan.

November Hates Me

Ergh! Ergh! ARGH!! For crying out loud! Man! Why?! Have I done something until you hate me this much, November!? I'm all stressed right now! Thank God I'm off to Poli this Sunday. No more blah blah blah babble babble babble. Everyone shut up! Urgh. Seriously guys, November is not my favourite month. Awak jahat dgn kite. sniff sniff. First, I let lose the guy I thought will last long. Then I have to confront more difficult situation, that is to not fall for a guy who is " in a relationship ". I know this may sound silly to you guys, but hey, frankly my life havent been easy on me. Okay, aku taw life tak sume kne senang, mesti ade susah. I'm not strong as you think I am. I'm not the girl who's capable to just move on and forget the past that to me it's something hard to let go. Okay? =.=' Cmon. Imma girl :) We're obviously have the weakest heart. How strong, how hard you go, someday you'll eventually feel like bursting into tears. But, I dont wanna show the whole world that I'm weak. My friends especially, knows me better. When I'm all down and moody, they'll make a joke just to make me laugh. And when I'm all high and crazy, they'll know something's wrong.

So Tasha, what did you do today? :
Takde buat ape pon. Mula2 pegi skolah pegi cop cop apejadah tah. Lepastuh pegi makan dkt mcd dgn zeera. Then balik rumah, back to same o same o life!

And that's basically what I did today. Bosan kan? Nicee. Babai

Something for tonight

Hey hey guys. Hmm I'm pretty bored tonight. Seriously there's nothing entertaining now except this cute girl singing this song. awww :) Today, I spent my day at Shah Alam. Early in the morning dah kne bukak mata and head down to DEMC Shah Alam for my medical check up. Doctor cakap Natasha, awak normal. Doc, saya mmg normal. =.=' Muka saya nh ade nmpk mcm org tak waras kea? Mungkin sbb saya dtg dgn muka baru bangun tido tp itu normal doc. Okay whatever. Lepas pegi hospital, me and my kakak sedara, Kak Ana, went to the bank to get some $$$$ man! woohoo today I'm a freaking rich woman! elehh not much pon. Oh oh! Otw to the bank I met with one of my old friend since we were in darjah5. His name is Ariffin Ramlee. Weee comel lah die. haha. Kalau kau baca nh ipen, aku tak ikhlas ckp tuh. hehe. And then me and my cousin went for lunch at KFC 13. My treat! haha. Diam ah. Then off to my cousin's hse to rest. Tired man! Lepastuh balik rmah. Okay bosan! =.=' bye

Hello College Life.

Whats cookin budss?! Hey hey, lama tak update blog. Been too I mean like freaking busy with my life. *cehh life lah sgt. So, hmm, okay2 tasha cool, say it slowly, I'm...going....hmmmm....to...Po..po..pooooliteknik SABAK BERNAM THIS SUNDAY! NO NO NO! Maigod. It feels like time just cut it short. Hmm, now my time comes. Its my time to crack my head studying. yayy T_T hmm. Well, the best part is tmpt study aku nh tak jauh mane so I can go back home anytime I want. YAYY! :D Okay, change the topic sha!

And and and, I cant cant wait for January to arrive. January, sila cepat sikit okay? Me and Atiq are planning this awesome party for our birthday. Hopefully it turns out well-planned. It's not like I always celebrate my birthday with my pals aite? Jyeahh. So, I'm turning 19, hehe and hey, what's wrong with a little fun? Just a little. Won't hurt nobody :) I won't tell where or when this party will be. Still in discussion dohh. Then I asked myself " Tasha, what do you expect for your special day? " Okay. Soalan cepumas. Kacang mamak. My friends, and umm maybe a boyfriend? Oh Oh! And of course presents sial. Nak dtg lenggang, makan pastuh blah mmg aku tembak sorang2. Takdelah. I'm just joking around *not.

Sambung balik hal poli tadi. Okay. Hmm. Of course when I got there, I'm gonna miss my friends, but who I miss the most is my Baby Juno. Hmm. Nty pagi2 I wont be waking up next to you :'( I wont be playing with you often. Uhuhuh. Ketua Poli, boleh tak aku bawak kucing aku skali? Sbb die jea yg pandai kejut aku pagi2. Kalau tak mmg aku tak bangun kot. Damn! Seriously man! I'm gonna freaking miss Juno. She's like my bestfriend I can't afford to lose. *bukan main lagi kan? family? Of course rindu family doh. Tp adik2 aku tak. Sume asyik buat taik ngn aku jea, malas nk rindu korang. Then, on Saturdays, I won't be joining my family going out anymore. Korang jalan lah tanpa aku. =.=' *sigh.

Well, I guess thats all chicks and dicks. Aku malas nk type byk2 tp korang tak baca. Okay, here comes regret. HAHA. aitte, chiaou !

From being "it's complicated" to "single"

Hmm, not much to say really. I can't sleep right now because it's still 10:45pm??!! Maigod, I thought its already pass midnight =.=' So today, I slept early, waiting for mum to take us out. She had this dinner with her blah blah blah I dont know who. After that I woke up, I think about 22:45pm something. Then I checked my phone in case mom called. and yeah, mom called. And there's one text message. And it aint mom. So there it goes. He wants to break up. And I said thats okay, as long as he's happy with his decision then, im cool (trying). I really do dont know where are my mistakes. I just wished you could tell me what I've did. I could do my best just to save our relationship but its pretty obvious that you dont want this thing between us. Well, thats okay though. Even if I know that I'm a weak person on the inside, I'll try my best to be more tougher.

So, this is for you. And I hope that you're happy with your decision and em', hopefully there would be someone far more better than I do, someone more perfect for you. Lastly, I forgive you :')

Things You Might Not Know About Me

- Only my closes friends call me Natty.
-I have a huge fear of bugs, especially Cockroaches. Flying ones sucks!
-I don't eat vegetables. =.='
-I have flaws. I mean, banyak.
-I'm not good at first date. *sigh
-Okay. For almost 6years bercinta, I've never cheat with any of my exs.
-I don't have flawless skin you guys. =.='
-I love my Juno more than I love anything else. hehe
-I smoke. Yes =.='
-Oh, I dont socialise a lot. But hey, I'm friendly though :)
-I hate when I feel like there's habuk under my feet.
-Uhh uhh! I love eating Milo itself. Sedap bodoh
-I play the piano and guitar. And I'm not good at both.
-Did I mention that I'm humble and modest ? ;)
-Sometimes when I'm bored, I start to dance around in my room.
-I'm 18 but I don't really act like one. So?
-I love beaches and I hate bithces.
-The things I love most about myself are my hair and my eyes. haha thefak!
-I've never received any flowers or sweet stuffs from any of my boyfriends. Kesian kan?
-Oh yeah, I pick my nose when my head goes blank. HAHA diam lah
-I have this dream of sitting on a beach all by myself witnessing the sun and the skies. :')
-I'm a creative sorta person. Birthday present kawan2 aku hand-made bhai.
-Music is like blood that runs through my veins.
-When I eat a lot, I'm not getting any fatter. And when I dont eat, I only stayed that way =.='
-I love to write. From essays, poems, lyrics or whatever that needs to write.
-When it comes to chocolate, I'm like its number 1 fan, no no, forever its fan.
-Oh this one you guys should know. I HATE PEOPLE WHO TORTURES ANIMALS ESPECIALLY CATS!
-And I also hate people who botak kan tanah to build stupid-then-left-abandoned building. STUPID!
-Sometimes, I'm a greener kinda girl. 0:)
-No, I don't look like Stacy AF. err, die lagi lawa dr aku =.='
-I love love love long romantic dates. awwww :')
-I dont do sexy. So I love wearing jeans and tees.
-Uhh uhh! I like talking to tourists. HAHA. " Yes sir? Need any help with directions? " ^^
-I speak English most of the time. Since I was just a kid.
-I soooooo hate NUMBERS! I hate counting. haha
- Imma good adviser and supporter when my friends confront with love problems. But when it comes to me, I have never been lucky in my love life. *sighhh
-Mama always get angry with me because I love to buy new clothes but only wear it a couple of times. heheh
- Oh lastly, I'm not as good as I look in my pictures. :)

3:21 a.m

Oh hello people-who-havent-sleep-yet. Like yeahh its 3something now, and I'm not asleep yet. Duhh =.= So, I dont really know what to talk about. Oh I love this thingy up here I found in my tumblr. This is soooo right.

Okay, change topic. I still miss him. We havent talk to eachother for like a couple of days now. I feel so lonely, really. Right now, I'm always feeling so sick. I don't eat a lot. I sleep a lot. I stayed up late like..now. Bad habits just getting worst. I dont know when is this going to last. I havent got any clue why you treat me this way. But maybe you dont know me so well. I'm not the kinda person who gives up so fast. I never back down when it comes to dealing with someone I love. Eventhough it hurts inside, I believe that I'll always have the stronger side of me. Always smile when I feel like sighing. Always laugh when I feel like crying. Always walk when I feel like lying. And always love when I feel like hating. I miss you FSBJ. So badly missing you. When will you realize this? Like are you even reading this? Hmm. I know " Happiness don't last forever. It'll only last maybe for seconds, minutes, hours, days or weeks. " You will only feel happiness for awhile and then you'll get back to your normal life. Sometimes its hard for me to go to sleep without you singing me song or specifically giving song lyrics before I sleep. And and, I really miss our second date in the car. You hold me tight, your head on my shoulder. Then you teach me how to french because, damnn I'm not really good at it. :p And how hard it is to let you go before we get back to our lives. After one hug, you hold me by the hand and I would go " awww one more one more " and another hug. :') Then after I got out the car, you said I Love You with a smile. And damnn, I slept smiling that night man! Jeezz. What more can I ask when I just want you in my life and I consider that as enough. But now, things are starting to fall apart. Little by little I feel like losing you. Sayang, I dont want that! Losing you means losing myself. Losing my faith, hopes and dreams. Maybe, thats what you want me to feel? Is it?

Bullshit. How niceee

Hello fuckers. Sorry, im a bit high today so I swear like fucking a lot. So today sucks. Pretty much nothing happened. Fun right? Hell jyeah. Oh, news buzz, boyfriend don't text at all. Nicee sayang. I don't mind. I'm good. I'm cool. =.= I have this highly level of patience. But whatever aite. Okay2. Good news mafakars. I'm finally moving out yo! Mom, dad. Please make it sure this time. I'm getting the hell outta 'ere. Afterwards, I'm getting a new life. More going out, more fun, more enjoying. Ohyeahhh. And there's no one stopping me :) hahahahahah *evil laugh. So my chicks and dicks, I'm coming right at yah!

Oh look here dumbassess, my wishlist! :

• move out move out!
• A brand new piano
• A car
• New cell
• Polaroid camera
• Rollerblade. *fucking want this
• Happier family and Juno <3
• All my babes and dudes.
• and lastly, omg I hate mentioning this. A good-hearted, loyal, honest, romantic, caring, would do just about anything, loving, sweet blah blah blah boyfriend.

HOME ALONE, not really.

Niceee. My family went to Johor yesterday and all alone at home is just me and my brother. Sumpah tak boleh menyirap lagi kea? =.= Nak ajak kawan lepak, sume malas lah apelah. Memang duduk rumah dgn Juno sampai teeerrrtido. Thanks to Juno for playing with me all night kan baby? Main geletek2 sampai kau dahaga, main kejar2 sampai penat and in the end tido same2 on my katil :') You're the best companion I've ever had.

Breakdown.

So it has been 3days me and sayang haven't text each other. To be honest, right after we first met,sayang has been so different. Before we met, he usually refuses to let me leave him alone. He wanted me to always be with him. And now, things ain't like that anymore. You're more busy with your skate life, but I don't mind. I know that skate's your life so I won't bother. I just need you. Most of the time, I felt lonely. I thought that now you're my sayang, you will always be here for me. But it didn't seem that way. And I also understand how complicated your money situation till you can't topup your number and give me a call. At least, show me a little effort. I used to stay up late just to wait for you on facebook, but eventually, you didn't showed up. And, I understand why.

Our second date was the most memorable one. That feeling when I'm with you won't slip away that easy. I kept thinking of it everytime I miss you. And when I feel like singing with you, I turn on our song Your Guardian Angel . Then I would smile and forget about my breakdowns. I don't wanna forget how you first hold my hand, how you first lean your head against me, how you look at me even if I can't really see where your eyes are, how you first touch my cheeks just to cheer me up, how you first kiss me on the cheeks and lips and how you first said I Love You to my face. Sayang, there's no forcing in love. I won't force you to love me and all. But once you mentioned it, my heart for one second, believed. If you're reading this, I'm sorry if I'm wrong. Some people just ain't that good at this, but me, I wanna be better. Just for you :')

Just you,

FSBJ. <3

Natasha's Love Life : Chapter 18

Finally for the past 8months struggling finding the person who will accept me as who I am, who won't leave me for any lame reasons, who will be there for me when I need him the most.

Guys, meet Fairuz Shahyimi B. Jaafar.

I can't tell how ecstatic I am. Thrilled, happy, everything cheerful. I hope that this time things will be different. No more short term relationship, no more fooling around and stuff. I just wanna be happy like anyone does. I know I deserve better and you show me I really do :')

With Love,
NNMA

I CAN TOO PULL THE TRIGGER

Hell yeah. Clearly I stepped on some shit but I've cleaned it up. For fucking 8months I made myself looked like and imbecile. Seriously I'm done with it. Done trying. Done getting your attention. I'm getting bored with it. Plus I see you're quiet happy and doing so well nowadays. So now I wont bother to be close to you anymore. What's the friggin use!? Like everyone used to say "I'm better off without you " I guess :\ YES! I'm better off without you. And I think I should just really enjoy my life to the fullest. Too many opportunities that I've missed. Gladly I'm getting back on track, just to get what I wanted :)

And, HUGE and a MILLION thanks to all my shizzow for making my day a better one :) May Allah bless you all. I would be caught dead without you. hearts and kisses and hugsss

Driving License Here We Go!

WOOHOO! Esok esok! Ishh ishhh tak sabar lah bangang! hhaha. Masa dulu2 bile fikir pasal nk amek lesen mesti nervous. Harinh rasa excited! Sebab finally I got the chance to get my license like goshhh FINALLY!

So, pagi esok kena fikir nak pakai. Just keepin it simple. Malas nak pakai gah sgt sbb first day kn kne dgr ceramah berjam2 tuh jea kan. So ilek dulu lahhhh. Hmm pakai tshrt biase, jeans dgn sneakers baru yg mama baru beli :) And esok kne bangon pagi pukul 7. NOOOO! huhu but whatta do. Terpaksa. :) I guess thats all !

Did you miss me?

Sssuppp bloggers! Omg. Lamenye tak blogging. Damnn. Seriously I cant make time to blog. But today, I have. And I got plenty of stories to share. :)

So, on the 2nd October, me and my sister got a new hair iron set from Mom. Thanks momma! :D and also, we both got our ear pierced. Urghh I think I want another. Haha. Oh oh! anddddd I got a new shoe! Huhu mama thanks again. :) So let's get the story started. HAHALadies and Gents, meet Asyraf Zainuddin a.k.a Ashaff :) A very sweet guy. We know each other through Facebook. So he's nice, sometimes funny, sometimes getting on my nerves but he's nice. Ashaff, you don't have to be perfect to impress me. You're quite impressive already :D

Well, I guess thats all. Not much huh? Im tireddddd -.- ciaou

When does the good part comes?

Oh yeah! It's here! The very good part. OMG! I'm using too much ( ! ) and you know why? Because I'm pissed! No, this aint a joke. I'm like fucking serious like fucking bad! and now I'm starting to spit venom words! First it was the emmm " no i'm not being flirty. I'm not interested in any girl, I don't feel like having any relationship " and what the fuck is this?!!!

But you don't know me. I'm not the one who's easily give up. I wont! Because I hold strong to my principe BELIEVE and HOPE. I don't know how is this going. It was going okay at first and then it turned out wrong. Is it wrong for me to act this way when the problem that caused me this way is you? Can you tell me honestly? Why do you have to tell me that you're not interested in anyone but you really do? I don't care if you're being honest! The way you lie makes me stick to myself to wait for YOU! and thats TORTURING! omg omg OMG! :'( I think it was my mistake either to let you slip away and not try to step up and tell you how I feel but I also don't wanna be the one to speak it out alone.

Okay, let me tell you a story. Every single day, there's always something that reminds me of you. Everytime I turn on the tv, there's the song we both like. Then the actress you like. and when I turn on my facebook, I turn into any page, your picture would be there next to the ads side. and when it's night, I usually dreamt of you. Not us together but you're in the picture. Once, I dreamt, I was sitting at a restaurant, eating. Then you, came out of nowhere, took a bench and sit behind my back and hold my hand. I felt it. I felt you touched me. Your image was crystal clear not like any other dream when it was blurry to recognise. You see? Why you? Why not somebody else when my dream can be about anyone else? I'm not trying to tell you that we're meant to be together. I don't know what to tell you! This is just so sick. I think I don't know what to do now. I guess we'll just see where this goes. :'(

The Perfect Boyfriend

I hate when I get in this situation when this guy shows up in your life and trying to make the best of you but you're not really ready to give your feedback to him. So, I'm stuck. I really appreciate the caring and stuff, but seriously, for now, I don't feel like I have feelings. Haha. Sorry. I mean feelings of love. yeahh. I'm not looking for The Perfect Boyfriend okay. I think I've found the guy but I don't know. It doesn't seem right but there's something you just can't resist. Maybe it would take me a million years but my effort would finally pay off with a smile. Just I don't know in what kinda way. So let's just start making wishes and hopefully God hears it.

You can always kill boredom.

This is what I normally do when I'm bored. Thank God my brother's home with his camera. I take pictures! teeheee This is what I call Faking A Smile. The things I do when I'm with the people I dont want to be with or I'm out with a friend but my heart doesn't feel like being there or I just hate to smile.
And this is my creativity side. The Human Vs The Cartoons. Hehe cute aite? So basically this is what I do to kill boredom. And it worked! I' no longer bored. But now, I am. How sad is it? F*&$%#$#%. Well, I guess thats about it. Chao

Meet my new glam friend

Guys, take a glance at my new Raya shoe. Heh not that glam huh. But I like it. Mom bought it for me at Sunway. I don't really remember how much it cost but I'm sure its not that expensive. I was thinking to get myself the platform heels but I don't think I'm ready for that one. TOOOO high.

Well, I would love to wish you guys Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri . Haha I know its still early to wish but who knows I might not get the chance to do so. Nauzubillah... Anyways, have fun this raya. Datanglah rumah aku kalau ade buat open house. hehehe

I'm happy because of you Mama!

Seriously, during fasting month is not a good idea to go shopping especially when you have to walk miles! But but, with all my strength for Raya, I ignore all those tiredness and went through the day with joy :] Thanks to Mama, she bought a new handbag, a few new outfits, this cute baju kurung. Thank you mama. Angah sgt bersyukur today. All thats left is shoes. But why rush, right? Angah boleh tgu kasut tuh. So just night we went to Jalan Masjid India, Kuala Lumpur and it was packk!! Humans pushing and yelling " Murah murah! 5 10 5 10. " Aku dah naik bingit telinga penuh dgn kesabaran. And and, here's another funny story. Funny with a little stupidity. Me and my family went to Jusco Bukit Tinggi, Klang to look for some stuffs. Then ada this girl, sumpah masalah lah die. Pakai selendang, muka mmg sopan lah en. Pakai baju ketat paras bontot lepastuh pakai leggings ketat. Weyh, die dah sedar mamat2 kt situ tego ponggong die tersombol die buat derkkk jea? Memang dasar! I was like, pehhh apehal lah minah nh. Lepas beberapa jam lalu, aku nmpk die lagi. Kali nh lalu betol2 depan aku. And I gave her this stare like she knows why I stare that way. Then die cover2 bontot die pakai beg. HAHA lame asss lah. Hehe I guess thats all :]

MAYBE ?

So I see maybe things won't go well. I don't know. But then you were so nice but I don't think I should trust 'nice' no longer. Its killing my brain just thinking about this. Sometimes, I'm at the verge of giving up. I just feel like, " Hey, why wait? Its not like things will go back to the way it were " and I keep asking myself, " Is this what I should call MOVING ON? ". Hmm what's the use. Clearly he doesnt need any girl. So, like what the hell am I wasting my time waiting? You see. I can't even answer my own question! *sighh

I just can't keep waiting. All thats been running inside my head is " give up give up! " like hey, whattha. I know his intentions and obviously I've taken it the wrong impression. Maybe ? I'm sorry. It's just so hard for me to take it

Another soul that remains mine.

So you know my Baby Juno right? yeah that's her right there. All growned up :] I'm so proud that you've grown so big and healthy. You're the only cat I think I can never replace because I love the way when I took you to my bed you would play with my hair, sit on my stomach, lay next to me after I fell asleep. I love the way you ran so quick after I called your name to feed you and you would run so fast then stop right infront of me and stare me with those tigery eyes. I love you okay Juno? I would have to leave guy's issues just because of you. I don't have to cry anymore because I'll always have you to cheer me up. We'll stay together as long as we can.

Esok dah boleh puasa balik!

Yayyy! Finally after 7days my 'partner' has been visiting me and today she's gone! Bye stupid 'partner'. Aku boleh puasa dengan aman! Fuhh! And the last few weeks, we went for raya shopping again. Teehee I got my favourite outfit! Thanks mama. Susah angah pusing satu mall carik. Heh. So Sabtu harituh, aku still tak dpt jmpe Eqa. Aku lah nh keluar lame sgt. Nak singgah sini lah sini lah. Errr geram gila babi aku! Takpee. Kau cuti panjang nty kite jmpe kayy? I promise :) And R, thanks for brightening up my day :) Everytime I got a text from you, I would have this long and wide smile even my sister call me crazy. haha. I appreciate the tiny things you do to keep me cheered up. :]

My dream guys :)

OMG , Cam Gigandet isssssss so mine!
Sexy British. Who hates the British, you should kill yourself.

Mark Salling, sing me a song because your voice kills my soul.

It's easy. I've done it hundred of times

I know I know. I said to myself that I'm stopping. But seriously, I can't. I can't stop but I can decrease it. Sorry, you :( Something you just can't put away you know. There's a reason this happens to me. I did this because its the only way I don't have to feel the pain humans gave me just by hurting myself and it feels better that way . And for you to know, the only cure to my addiction is you. Yeahh . Because whenever I'm with you, I get more addicted to you. Like freakin. I've ran out of ideas how to get you back. I wrote you a song, I always try to stay in contact with you, I always try to get your attention, I write you a poem, I liked everything you like, I do the things you like me to be, I memorized the lyrics of you're favourite songs. And I guess, I don't have a chance. But, I will always be here for you, just so that I could show you my little effort for you. I listen to you when you've things that bothers you. I tried to cheer you up when you're down. I sang along when you started singing. And I think that's quite enough. I don't want you to go like this after reading this, like "ohh and she thinks I want her back and she's trying to put us back together ", well, I'm not. I just want you to see, that this has been the worst break up so far because I've been single for 6months and you know why? Because it's hard to replace someone like you. T.T

BORED TO DEATH

Help me I'm so dead boring. I don't know what to do! Oh! Isn't this chimpy look cute doing that dance? Haha me likeyyyy.

Plus, I don't feel so good. I feel like I should kill someone. There's Disaster Date on tv. Borinnggggggg! Oh my God! This is torturing!

You know what, okay bye. I'm going to eat something -.-

Ooh La!

Before you know it, everything is back to normal. I've lost my fats! yayy me :D Fasting is a blessing. Really. I'm holding this shape until raya and until my cousin's wedding because I'll be needing to wear Kebaya Nyonya. So if I'm fat, I can't wear that. Really need to be in shape :] Still, today I'm again, not fasting... Hummmm yadda yadda.






p/s : Don't try to steal this picture. It's genuinely mine :]

I SHOULD ADORE YOU

This is Valerie Poxleitner. Rahman post a video song of her singing a song called "Fall Back Down by Rancid " the acoustic version. Trust me, once you heard her sing, you fall back down! LOL. I think currently she's a famous singer. I don't know why, but I superrrrrrrrr love this awesome chick. " If I fall back down, you're gonna help me back up again, If I fall back down, you're gonna be my friend. " :]

So, today, I'm not fasting because my 'Partner' came this morning. -.- It's just today I don't feel like doing anything much. I'm always thinking. Thinking about things I shouldn't. Like " Am I doing the right thing? Is that person even true? Is he telling me what he really feels? URGH! You know what, come sing with me again. Hit it!

"If I fall back down, you're gonna help me back up again. If I fall back down, you're gonna be my friend.... "

ALAHAI

Baru 6hari puasa tp mcm dah tak larat. Tapi tapi! saya masih kuat :) Hmm so, lame jugak tak bukak FB. Tp tah pape. Bukak2 notifications 99. sume penoh dgn comment on a photo of you. -.- Friend request sampai 39 tp tak sume aku approve.

So yesterday, me kakcik iman mama and ayah went out for raya shopping. I got 2 new jeans. Just jeans -.- baju kurung, not yet. We only went to Sogo KL. Then we went berbuka at Mohd Chan Abdullah Cina Muslim Restaurant. Man! I ordered nasi goreng seafood and a fresh orange to burst my thirst. Alhamdulillah it was the best food to buka puasa. ahhhh :) I guess thats it

Happy Fasting :)

Yayy! So it's fasting month. 30days of fasting, hmm I think I can handle that. Plus I wanna lose some of these fats in my stomach. I'll look FAB this raya :) And due to fasting, I have THOUSANDS of cravings.

Urgg! I miss mama's caramel pudding. Nanti mama buat kan eh for buka? :)

Ohh! And I miss kuih cara. It's a must for every fasting month. yummyyy

So guys, enjoy the month with patience and happiness. I can't wait for RAYA! hehe

ADMIT IT !

What do u like to be called? natasha :)

ADMIT a secret about this name? there's no secret

Do you have a job/ career? nopp

ADMIT a secret about your career: my career has no secret bodoh

Do you love yourself? yes I do :)

ADMIT a physical attribute you LOVE and HATE about youself: I love my hair everything about me.

Do u have any regrets? yes

ADMIT one thing you regret doing in the past: Too many :D

Are u in love? no :\

ADMIT what brought on these thought: i dont know

Do u feel any jealousy or envy toward anyone? yessss

ADMIT what makes you feel this way? because that person is prettier and rich

Do you ever feel less than beautiful? yess, most of the time

ADMIT why you feel this way? because i have flaws

Have you ever been hurt? so many times

ADMIT who hurt u: Boys

Ever pretended to be someone's friend for your own benefit? Nop

ADMIT the truth about why you did it: Because I dont feel like I should

Ever lied to spare someone's feelings? nop

ADMIT the truth about the lie you told: I dont 's'

Ever suffered from a broken heart? bodoh punye question

ADMIT who broke your heart and what he/she did: Boys, they hate me

Ever cheated on someone? i dont cheat

ADMIT the truth on why you cheated: i dont cheat kan

Ever told anyone you loved them and didn't mean it? nopp

ADMIT the truth about why you lied? to save myself :D

Ever been in jail? nevahh

ADMIT the truth on why you were locked up: -

Ever steal music? once, twice, idk

ADMIT what website you steal music from: actually, i stole my aunt's cd

Do you click ads when on a website? nopp

ADMIT what types of ad's you click on: -

Do you watch reality tv? yes!

ADMIT the most embarassing shows you watch: something 18sx

Are you happy in your career? yes

ADMIT what you know you should be doing with your life: Being a person that appreciates life

Holiday baby!

Woww. PD and Kuantan was wicked! First I went to PD with Natasha Razak's family. Her mother had her family day there. And we stayed at Selesa Hotel Resort something like that, and we took a few, I mean, a lot of pictures.This is me and Tacha at the beach. We didn't dip in, we just walk by thats all :D And this is during the dinner. Man, the food was FINGER LICKIN GOOD :D

This is Auntie Zaiton, Tacha's mother :) Thanks Auntie for retouching my eyes :D

And finally, the last day there. They headed back home while I went for another vacation in Cherating, Kuantan. Haha

But I dont have the pictures in Kuantan. We forgot the camera, but all I know I had fun eventhough I suffer a little pain in the back, my arms and legs, err, but it's fun :) I went to the beach, and DIPPED in :D went swimming at the pool, blah3, it's fun. So I guess thats all :)

OVERWHELMED? NOT :)

Heheheh. Okay. si Ariff Arshad nak sangat tengok mata koyak aku nh. Well this is it. To me, I looked creepy I mean seriously! Tajuk nh? Yeahh. Not happy, excited or wtv. Biasa jea :) Don't ask why. Okay2. Seriously tonight I can't blog that much. Something's giving me chills and it aint good. :\ Goodnight!

PAUL PREDICTIONS

Sorry. Okay, nampak tak what Paul predicted for me? Hahah aku punye status mmg cannot go lah. Pandai lah kau nh Paul. Kalau korang tak nmpk die tulis ape, die tulis " It's time to quit smoking " . Nasib baik aku tak makan sotong, kalau tak dah lame dah kau kne digest dalam perot aku :)

JUST ONE MORE TRY, ONE MORE

Nak cube apply for second intake and hopefully oh HOPEFULLY this time dapat. Aku nak apply Tourism Management and dapat dekat Melaka sbb si Rahman ajak :D Whatever lah. All that matters aku nk masuk sini. Every each of my cousins pon masuk sini. I want it too :\

Today :)

Harinh makan dekat Kerisek lagi :) Nasi Goreng Cina paling boekkk skali! Actually restaurant nh owned by my uncle. Not entirely. Ade share2 lah dgn sedara mara die and nampak banner tuh? That woman happens to be Nana yg masuk comp "Jangan Lupa Lirik ". Hmm aku tak kenal sgt die but that's what my cousin told me. It's located in Bangi nearby a mall, Kompleks PKNS rasenye lah kot. Yang aku igt blkng Pappa Rich punye restaurant. Yahh. So I guess thats about it for today ;)

URGH FINALLY!

I've just finished my new song. Nawhh its nothing much. This time I'm not using the guitar, I'm using my piano :) Later on I'll post the video here or my facebook page. But not now. My camera has just run out of batts. Toodles!

If you want me to climb a mountain, swim into a deep sea, fly to the highest sky, drive my car a thousand miles just to get to you so you could tell me that you love and mean it,

I would.

-Natasha's L Quote.

TO KEEP ME AWAKE

1. Do you like anyone?: yes, but I can't

2. Do they know it? no

3. Simple or complicated? simple
4. Had sex: forbidded!

IN THE LAST MONTH, HAVE YOU...

5. Bought something: Nothing
6. Gotten sick?: Nop
7. Been hugged?: Nop :(
8. Felt stupid?: Sometimes
9. Talked to an ex: Yes
10. Missed someone: very much
11. Failed a test: that's last year
13. Danced: Havent got any mood to do so
14. Gotten your hair cut?: nop
15. Lied: Yes

UNIQUE

16. Nervous habits?: comb my hair
17. Are you double jointed?: nop
18. Can you roll your tongue?: of course boleh
19. Can you raise one eyebrow?: Huh boleh sgt
20. Can you cross your eyes?: Yes
21. Do you make your bed daily?: YES
22. Do you think you are unique?: No. I'm normal

HAVE YOU EVER...

23. Said "I Love you": Yes && regret
24. Given money to a homeless person: A long time ago
25. Smoked?: -.-'
26. Waited all night for a phone call?: yes :(
27. Snuck out?: Aaaa YES :D
28. Sat and looked at the stars?: yeahh, i love em

YOUR MANNERS

29. Do you swear/curse?: generally, yes I do
30. Do you ever spit?: Yes because of Question 25
31. You cook your own food?: sometimes
32. You do your own chores?: I do everyones chores -.-
33. You like beef jerky?: aaaa no?
35. You're happy with your life?: yeah, can't get enough of it -.-
36. You own a dog?: HARAM!
37. You spend your money wisely?: No.
38. Do you like to swim?: Yes.
39. When you get bored do you call a friend: Once. haha

DO YOU PREFER...

41. Flowers or angels?: Flowers please
42. Gray or black?: Grey
43. Color or black and white photos?: B&W
44. Lust or love?: Love
45. Sunrise or sunset?: Sunset. awww :']
46. M&Ms or Skittles?: Both both!
48. Staying up late or waking up early?: Staying up late. :D
49. Being hot or cold?: Cold
50. Winter or Fall?: Winter. London! Take me there please!
51. Left or right?: Righttttt...
52. Having 10 acquaintances or 2 best friends?: 10 acquaintances
53. Sunshine or rain?: Rain. :)

I'm the type of girl that can be so hurt but still look at him & smile. I'm the type of girl who's willing to brighten his day even if I can't brighten my own..

CEPATLAH RAYA

wuhuhu :( rindu nak balik Kuantan. This year mmg tak balik langsung. Hopefully this raya, kite semua balik Kuantan! And and, urghh harap2 takde 'halangan'. *To my family, mesti paham ape maksud angah nh. Rindu nak bangun pagi2 siap2 make up pakai baju kurung pastuh salam2 dapat duit raya, breakfast nasi impit, kuih2 wan buat. :'] Lepastuh kumpul ramai2 salam dgn auntie2 uncle2 mintak duit raya lagi. Tahun nh mesti up lagi nh! HAHA. Then then amek gmbr glamer2. Babi merindu!

From left : Me, Kak Ana, Alisya, Kak Long, Acap, Kak Iqa, Akip, Along. (Kuantan, Pahang)

LETTING IT ALL SIMMER

I was overwhelmed and forget that I've had enough. I smiled and don't remember what will it cause me. I told myself that things happen for a reason. Once I wrote no words can tell how much truth is true and believed. Thinking that maybe believing superstitous would turn everything back to normal - I was wrong. Blaming all the guilts to myself. Admitting stupidity is in me. Too much for an optimist. But a diviner never fails to predict. I will wait for another brighter day. Maybe it will take a decade, but my heart has no door. It will never be closed. No wind could blow me away, no rain could wash me down, no sun can burn me up, only you could make that happen.

I could never hate any of you because you have been a piece of a jigsaw puzzle in my life. Trying to fit in to my life, eventhough knowing that a few have been backstabbing, ignoring is the best way.

And to end this long and fuckingly annoying topic, I hope that I wont meet any imbecile who tries to tear my world and shread it like Oh FUCK YOU'RE EVIL AS HELL! Goodnight readers, stalkers, observers or wtv.

LATE NIGHT BLOGGING

Heyy, oh geez its already 2:25am! and I'm still awake! Duhh just like always. So today, me and my family went to Shah Alam . There's a wedding. Awww I just love weddings. Seeing happy couples finally made a commitment to share their lives together through good && bad times. :) And after that, we head down to Mak Long's house in Shah Alam too. I miss my cousins and it was great that we spent the night gossiping about shitties. heheh. But I was hoping to meet Eqa tomorrow. She went back home that Friday. Her mother finally gave birth to baby boy. Congrats Auntie! I'm looking forward to visit them tomorrow. I really miss eqa the most. We're not going to meet each other often you know!? She's furthering her studies in Penang. Bapak jauh kan? Hmmm. Never thought that we will be apart this far. D; But thats okay because I know we will always stand by each other all the time . Hehe Goodnight ;)

HAHA

woot, sorry tak clear. Tapi I'll clear things up :) Baik kan die buat default? Eh but nothing happened lah between us. Die rindu rambut die sbb tuh die letak gmbr tuh. Lagipon in that picture he looks really cute. Awww :D haha. Nak buat default jugak tp paham2 jelah kan orang2 kt fb aku tuh -.- So, that's all hehe

YOU HAVE TO LOVE THE BRITISH, MAN!

ALEX PETTYFER!

I'm so in love with you. And you're so freakin' yummy!!

ITS NEVER GOING TO END

I hate to feel this way. Why can't it just go away and never come back? Why can't it just slip away? Didn't you notice? At one point I'm actually happy and quite thrilled being single but STILL this stupid and shouldn't-feel-this-way feeling keeps on generating in me? Don't you see?

5months and still strong

It has been 5months, being a loner douche single swagger. 5months dude! The longest period so far. But throughout the 5months, hmm it wasn't that bad being a loner. Still talking to him. And I dont think I'm expecting someone new. I dont think that I'm ready yet. Its just painful to love again. I don't know why, I just don't have that feeling anymore. What I use to feel back in the days, now there's no more. I don't like guys flirting me. Duhh! I'm not comfortable okay? cuz sometimes I felt like, if a guy tries to flirt, I'm scared that I would end up making the most stupid mistake falling for it. Its not a good thing-really. And now, labelled as a free bird, I vowed to not start a bad habit. I forbid myself from cutting my hair short, smoking, drinking, over-socialising etc. Because you know, most of the reason girls do these kinda things is because frustration over break ups. Damn. Oh yeah, + suicide. Damn and dumb. Plus, its not like I'm not going to find someone else in the future. There must be someone, right? Anyone? Hmmm :(
And lastly, I hope I will find myself a person, who needs me more than he wants me because hey, if you need someone to tell you "Thats okay. I will always be here for you" , you can always count on me. You can never know how hard I've been trying to learn how to never let someone I love down, but yeah, surprisingly, you guys did a nice job. And oh yeah, I miss hugs && kisses. :)

IF...

If you LOVE me, always :

• tell me I'm all you want
• tell me I'm all you have
• tell me you can be trusted
• tell me you can be honest
• tell me you can be considerate
• tell me you can be there for me
• tell me you are the One.

If you don't LOVE me, never :

• tell me you adore me
• tell me you need me
• tell me you want me
• tell me you like me
• tell me you LOVE me.

SPOUSE.

I love apples and honeydew

Can I tell you how much I missed you?

Nisa hates to chase, Kevin hates to move

but When it comes to love, I can give you prove.

You love red and I love blue

If you want my heart, its all yours too.

Sharks can't swim backwards and I think its awkward

but that's okay,

Because you can always turn away.

I think you're great, I think you're pretty special

I wish to be your one & only girl.

Dududu.. lalala..

Dududu.

Can you be my only.. spouse :)

Originally written by ; Natasha

Today I've had...

a quite boring day. In the afternoon, it was nothing much. Actually that afternoon I was learning how to do an afro but it didnt work out well. It turned out so ugly. Well, I guess I'll try again some other time. Just have to wait till mama get me that hair ironing set. :) Then malam td pegi kenduri tahlil Arwah Opah Wah at KGSAAS Shah Alam. It went well. Makan2 sket, konyang porot den :D And straight went back home. And and teros pandang laptop. haha. K lah. Gua sin chai low dulu. Calow bete

Today and Tomorrow is like Everyday.

Its getting harder and harder and harder. Its getting worse or even more worst!

Hehe macam buat karangan. Ah fuck. When is my day getting any brighter? Each day I've been through was dull and boring. Saje blogging siang2 sbb saya belom mandi, and sangat malas nak mandi. Jadi aku blogging lah dulu. Jap lagi baru mandi. Okay. Today on facebook : BOSAN!! Borak dengan si Hal budak Unisel. Kecoh takde class lah apelah. Dah. Lepastuh? Lepastuh.......... MANDI LAH DERR!

Hehehe :)

Hahah aku pakai tudung. Lawak en? And and tolong jangan ckp aku bajet Yuna. -.-

Tapi aku belom boleh pakai betol2 lah sebab niat tuh tak full lagi. Takkan lah aku nak

kejap bukak kejap tutup kn? Tak kea munafik mcm tuh. So, slow2 :)

I like the guy when I tell him something, he

"Understands instead of saying I know."

Night Arrives ,12:21am

*Did you ever get the feeling of :

• Needing someone to talk to?
• Needing to hear someone singing to your ears?
• Wanting a Goodnight wish with kisses and hugs?
• Craving for pampering and love?
• Sleeping with a smile and when you wake up in the morning to get another smile?

- Well currently, this is happening to me. Oh God, I miss those days. My phone hasn't been ringing for quite a time. And my credits aren't running low. Why can't I, STILL get over this? Babi lah.

" Okay, sorry emo lebih. Biaselah. Dah malam. Paham2 jelah. Aku nh mood tak betol. Malam2 mmg mcm pantat. Paling benci. Time malam lah aku nk 'huhu', 'sigh'. Terok kn? Kalau nk igt balik time 2009 backwards, malam2 mcm nh, aku sebok buat homework kea lepak2 kea. Skang? Yarghhh! Super irritating... Eh, ada call lah ! Bye

I want to make a wish.

Please, don't ever come back. Especially when you've hurted me for several times. I can no longer accept you, even just a " Hi " or a " umm ". No more okay? I'm done. TQ

Natasha.

Nurul Afiqah Mazhar!!!!!

Eee jahat doe kau. Kau pegi Uitm taknak jumpa aku dulu kn? Dalah kt Penang. Dah tak dpt nk hug2 kau. Huhuhuhu :'( Takpelah Eqa. Kau tuh mmg slalu lupa. Sbb tuh aku makin hari makin sayang kau. Belajar rajin2 eh Eqa? Make me and your parents proud! I Love kau lots a lots <3333

Friends you can count on.

This is my lovely Dearra Mira K. We're about the same age. Awww mira sgt baik okay. We shared a lot of stories together kn? Cant wait for you to come to Shah Alam. Then we can lepak2 all the time! ;)

Lots Of xoxoxo ; Natasha

" Good Friends are like stars. You can't see them but you know they're always there.. "

IS PERFECTION COMPULSORY?

" My eyes wants to see something good in you and blind to see your worst.. "

Each of us has our own unique flaws,

It's these flaws , that makes life so very interesting and rewarding,

It binds our lives together.

Instead of looking for flaws,

We have to accept people for what they are and look for the good in them.