okay okay, I know its sorta late for me but like who cares man! nowadays people are using this damn Blackberry and I'm still using my cybershot, hold it hold it, WRECKED UP SOUNDLESS sony ericsson cybershot phone. :'( mother, need i say more? can you get me one? :'( it's been a long time i haven't changed my phone. the last time i changed my phone it was a wrecked phone too. i'm always the one who's been using the worse phone in the house. but now, i'm gonna get a new one.


inconsistent thoughts

days flew so fast. I'll be going back to college next week. no worries. what's worth staying home doing nothing when you can have a bunch of more fun things to do when you're in college. this Tuesday I'm about to face the JPJ test. hopefully it'll go well. if there's a chance I'll pass, I'm gonna ask dad for a car. I'm not done packing stuff yet. I guess there's a lot more to buy. rumah aku takde almari! kena lah beli almari cerita die. so my weeks were dull as Mr. Bean's life until he made himself look like a fool, just trying to run away from boredom. I spent my weekends most with my family. hanging out with my cousins. my boyfriend? tell me about it. we only had a conversation last Friday! and it wasn't merry. just talking about Maharaja Lawak. and that's all. no sweet2 funny talk no more. my conscious thoughts has been telling me to just get a grip. HE'S NOT THAT INTO YOU ANYMORE! but we humans listen to our hearts rather than our conscious self. I love that guy. I really do. How is it for me to tell him so he would understand? maybe i need to talk to Oprah. the Mother of all women. dilemma slams onto my face. you know how it feels. it feels like, you're at a candy shop and you see a fluffy sugary DAMN fluffy cotton candy and then you caught your eyes on a fucking mouth watering red-ish glittery strawberry lollipop with a cute stick with turquoise and pink stick. you're stuck at choosing. somehow you have to pick. Life is about options. You pick and see where it goes. every single options we take, there's a consequences to it. whether it's good, or worse, only God knows. i tried to keep myself all prepared for the worse. there's this one time dad starts his education lectures and he said " sebok sgt nk i miss you i miss you. kang die dah tinggal kan kau lari kt org lain, haa dah resah. " nice dad. at that moment, maybe, just maybe, dad was sort of, right. i mean who knows kan. doesn't mean he stays for 2months and he wont leave you. " been there, never done that." so i guess i should be ready to face anything. as tough as a wrestler, when he gets beat up so bad, he'll fall and lose. but that doesn't mean we'll fall forever. Life is full of open doors. never mind the closed ones. if no doors is open for us, open it with our own hands. what the heck right? no one waits for us to shine. Mariah Carey wasn't born straight away on stage with a mic on her hand. Lady Gaga never thought she would end up a great performer until her piano teacher suggested she start writing a song. effort is a word you can just simply say it but the paperwork, damn, no one understands. cut short, i just wanna save my relationship and at the same time it won't bother my complicated life. Nuff said. peace


Chest to chest
Nose to nose
Palm to palm
We were always just that close
Wrist to wrist
Toe to toe
Lips that felt just like the inside of a rose
So how come when I reach out my finger
It feels like more than distance between us

In this California king bed
We're ten thousand miles apart
I've been California wishing on these stars
For your heart for me
My California king

Eye to eye
Cheek to cheek
Side by side
You were sleeping next to me
---oohhh next to me
Arm in arm
Dusk to dawn
With the curtains drawn
And a little last night on these sheets
So how come when I reach out my fingers
It seems like more than distance between us

In this California king bed

We're ten thousand miles apart
I been California wishing on the stars
For your heart for me
My California King

Just when I felt like giving up on us
You turned around and gave me one last touch
That made everything feel better
And even then my eyes got wetter
So confused, when I asked you if you love me
But I don't wanna seem so weak
Maybe I've been California dreaming

In this California king bed
We're ten thousand miles apart
I bet California wishing on these stars
For your heart for me
My California King
My California King

In this California king bed
We're ten thousand miles apart
I been California wishing on these stars
For your heart for me
My California King
"Honey, I don't know if I should continue going on with you. I'm breaking apart but you're not here to help me out. I can't stand one day knowing that we're not talking to each other. :'( "

i love you, though. xxx


Je'taime, amor de mi vida.

hello everyone. oh my, i'm so glad that he called me just now. i thought it would keep going on with the silence. i'm happy to be hearing his voice, his laugh. and tonight, he cut the call with i miss you. then he called me again saying " I love you muah muah muah muah muah muah muah muah muah " :') it's hard to get him to do that you know. it's always been me doing that. he would always say " i love you muah muah ". its good to know that you still remember me. i'm jyeahh relieved! haha. i thought i'd lost you. but i keep my faith. i know you will come back for me. that's all i ever need. i just wanted to know if your love for me is still there inside you. i'm not gonna give up on you baby. you're all mine. :')

I love you too. muah muah muah muah muah muah muah muah *tarik nafas muah muah muah muah muah muah :*


California Kind Bed.

since we're so far apart, the song ' California King Bed' by Rihanna fits well. so here I am, on my bed trying to end the day with a little story about today. summarizing today's agenda that is, nothing. yes, nothing. wondering why is it 'nothing'? it's a lonely dull day for me. i've been sitting at home, waiting for that only person to tell me how much he misses me or love me. even just that, i would feel much better. i could even survive the day. but right now, i can say i felt like lying down in bed drowning my eyes till it's swollen. and after that i will feel much better because in my mind, all that's left is, your decision. to love me or not. maybe previously when this kinda situation happens to me, i would just point my chin up and ready to face any consequences. not like this moment. that feeling of ready to let go, i dont have it anymore. it's because i really do believe that this time, it must be real. it must be true. too hard to escape the real truth so i made myself think that everything's okay. girls best lie, " I'm fine, I'm okay". still, no one gets it. it takes a long time for someone to understand something that has been shown with their own eyes. however,it made us stronger. even if when it comes to the lowest point in their lives, they'll end up standing up with their weak shaky self. sometimes, i would crouch down to my knees and pleaded to God to open up my heart and make me tough. unfornately, i still, can't :'(


You and I.

sometimes, when i looked back at our old pictures, it reminded me how we were so so happy that time, even if my mood was running down but your presence made me happy and happier. and to see that now we weren't like that anymore, it felt like something between us is wrecking. whether it's just me or, i dont know. hmm. maybe because we don't spend so much time together like in college. you got more things to think about and i, aaa, i don't know. how can i spice up this relationship so that it wont stay dull? i just miss every sweet things we've gone through. but yeah, like once he said " takkan lah setiap masa nk bunga-bunga?". i still remember that. but i cant. i'm not that person who wants to be serious all the time. i want to be pampered all the time, especially by the guy i really love the most. i'm trying to be the best but i think my best isn't good enough. i feel like crying but my tears just won't go out, so i would just keep all of those tears inside until the right time comes. i really love that guy so much. i don't know if he sees that :( i wanna lean on your shoulder and snuggle next to you. i wanna hold you as long as i can. i wanna sing songs with you and scream out loud and laugh about it. i want you to pinch my cheeks. i want you to scrunch my hair, play with my hair. for crying out loud, I Miss You A LOT! :( i feel like telling you to quit your job and just spend your time with me but i know i can't. but then, i realized that i kept messing things up with you. with my dumbass attitude (tarik2 muka) and stuff that can turn your grinning smile into dead silence. once i had an ex who always pampers me with love and care but he turned to be a sicko. and i expected you to be just like that, just better so i could love you even more. things got really hard when it gets longer. i don't know how to keep myself strong so that i wont be this weak. you are by fact my strongest strength still you are my biggest weakness. you made me strong when i'm feeling weak. but now, when i'm at my breaking point, you...weren't there for me. :( i love you b. i really do. i never wished for much. you on your own is enough. i don't care what people might say about us. i'm happy as long as i'm with you. i just want you to understand that. hopefully, you'll be the one i would take with till the end of my life. i just want to be with you. no one else. :(
I love you, Ridzuan Azmi. <3


Behind the story : Lady Gaga.

13 June on MTV " Inside The Outside of Lady Gaga" but I can't wait till 13 June so I watch it on Youtube. Nasib baik ada. fiuhhh. so there's three part and i watched all three and i was like, wow, is this really Lady Gaga? I mean is that how she really get through life to become one hell of a singer? she started as a girl who loves the stage play and her father decided to send her for piano classes. haha just like me :'D and she started playing classical songs. and then she would only write poetries and she had never thought of writing a song. just like me! but i'm not good as you, Gaga. you're insanely good! She told about how she performed at a bar where she worked and she didn't perform anyone's song but hers and she didn't give a fuck what people say. she also told about her being thrown in a trash can beside a street and she just hold the tears inside and laugh about it, nervously. maybe some people would judge Lady Gaga as a devil worshiper with all the freemasons and illuminati that had been collaborated in her videos. if you first hear her latest song titled ' Judas ', the first thing people will be thinking is that she's writing about how she loves Judas that to my opinion is ridiculous because I don't have much knowledge about Judas or whatsoever because it's not in my flow. so i would say Judas is like the Demon, i dont know. but in this interview, she told us about the story behind the song ' Judas '. it's about the betrayal of her boyfriend that claimed to be the what? Judas priest? oh i dont know whats that. so she already made the song but she thought about how to make the video that wasn't obvious enough it's about her boyfriend's betrayal. get it? you better watch it. at one time she talks about her family and started crying, MAN i cried okay?! haha ==' anyways, you should go and watch it yourself. Go on Youtube and look for ' Lady Gaga : Inside The Outside ( Interview ) '.

I Hate You Lady Gaga because You're so F(*&@&#*@ing Awesome.


One way to Popularity : PublicHumiliation.

Okay, so tengah busuk2 tak mandi lagi ngadap facebook dgn roti and susu ternampak lah perbualan dkt news feed aku pasal anti-anti like page. Faham kan? haa. So baru baru nh ade Kami Fuck Shasha Perry GRO Jalanan. Okay, aku tak kenal lah pulak die nh sape. Tataw lah ape cerita die sampai org nk buat page pasal die. Tapi sebelum tuh ade jugak lagi taw. aaaaaaaa, Adinda Milano Evans/Daten Milano bangga tiada dara. ha. yang tuh aku ade lah TERbaca blog die tuh. okay, mmg betul die buat pengakuan berani mati die takde dara. damn berani gila! but that's not the point here. what i'm trying to say is about the people yang comment, admin page tuh, orang yang like benda2 tuh sume. i mean, hmm what's the point actually? so tadi tgh syok makan roti aku bukak lah page yg pasal Shasha Perry nh. tgk lah oldest to the oldest post dkt situ. ohh, rupe2nye dorg nh bergaduh pasal lelaki kot. die dpt laki nh laki nh pulak hot, rupe2nye laki tuh laki org *mengikut ape yg comment tuh ckp lah*. to me, it's pretty lame and funny. not that i'm saying that that Shasha Perry girl deserve with what she did. kelakar lah benda2 mcm nh nk kne post dkt facebook. obviously, Facebook = Myspace. I ain't lying. everything that happened on myspace happens on facebook. aku rase budak2 yang tak reti bersosial jangan pakai lah sosial website. pakai jelah YM kea ape. nty mcm nh lah. haa yang nh benci nh yang nh benci tuh pastuh amek kau buat page like like. pastuh passing2 kt org lain suruh like lepastuh org like org comment2 caci2 maki2 tak tentu arah. lepastuh masuk hal agama. lepastuh masuk Oh!media. haha yang tuh taleyh blah. ;p aku tak rase sume nh ade function. lain lah kalau setiap orang yang comment page tuh dapat ganjaran 100rm setiap comment sokong page tuh en. kalau mcm tuh dah lama aku join bnde2 tuh. haha okay kidding. cakap pasal agama, sume org yg tak tak sokong page tuh akan ckp mcm nh...

"Oi, kau nak fuck2 die apehal? die ada kaco idop ko? ko tahu kan Allah marah ko buat keje tahi mcm nh?"

okay, ayat pendek2 sudah lah. cube korang perhati betul2 ayat tuh. takyah lah aku nk terang satu2 kan? dah besar dah kan? so faham lah tuh maknanye. kalau kite nk tegakkan sesuatu perkara dgn menggunakan agama, kite cakap cara agama kite. sopan dan beradab. agama mane nak nasihat org pakai sumpah seranah mcm nh? takde kan? haa. so mcm nh lah. kemungkinan dalam masa akan dtg bnde2 mcm nh mesti ade lagi. tibe2 admin yang buat page2 nh terkena pulak balik. aiseymen. mampoih kau. haha. ntah2, tibe2 AKU pulak yang kene tak pasal2 sbb aku post blog pasal bnde nh. haha adoih. ape yg perlu kite buat, kite buat tataw. kalau kawan2 korang terkena, advice aku ialah :
tak payah like page tuh untuk comment page tuh suruh2 dorg buang account tuh. sampai mati dorg takkan buang. trust me.
-bgtaw lah kawan yang terkena tuh supaya die byk bersabar and always believe that Karma really do exist.
-buat tataw jelah pasal2 bnde nh sbb it's a waste of time. kalau ternampak senyum jea, gelak kea sbb aku pon tergelak. walaupon bnde nh bnde lifeless tapi sumpah kelakar. haha sorry :/

so, mcm tuh lah cerita die. basically i dont say all this without no reason, but it's involving girls. ehh aku pon girl jugak taw. not very sedap mata lah bukak fb tgk perempuan nh mengaku tiada dara lah ape lah sume. atoi. malu lah eden mcm nh. lepasnh nk jadi laki lah pulak. ==' kalau yang lelaki pulak mesti nk pakai ayat 3line die " waa tak usik lu lu jgn usik wa. wa panggil cabel wa serang tmpt lu." adoi cek mek molek*tibe2. haha.

so the moral of the story, ape kate kite lari balik pegi Myspace? HAHA, okay not funny ==' kbye


In this relationship, there's the dumb one and the wise one. I'm sorry that you have to end up with the dumb one.
I'm really am sorry...

oyeah oyeah

i'm HOME! ==' (boringggg). i just got home. i went out with my boypreng lah just now. sbb smlm aku dah pegi sunway, die bawak aku lagi pegi sunway ==' but but, hehehehe, beli jugak kau BR cotton candy utk aku kan? yayy! after that he took me to AC for a foosball. hebat jugak aku main foos. hahah. oh he also took me to the this taiwanese dessert restaurant. it's Snowflake something kot. opposite AC jea. twas nice lahhh. oh i forgot! i met my old, really old friend, Aidyl. he's my classmate when i was in Year 5. woahhh die lain lah. ckp pon mcm style " wuzzup ma man.." padahal tuh aku yg ckp ==' okay okay lepastuh kami *eceh pegi Shah Alam. i heard about the Pekan Frinjan kot. i mean, who's Najwa Latif? Melodisaster? hmm. and ade booth2 kt situ. takde ape sgt lah pon. boring lagi and sbb dah bosan, kami pulanggg. thanks sayang for the day. i got so speechless when you're about to leave. i was thinking of giving you ' something ' but i got stunted and my brain jammed so, it didn't work. hmm *upset. i hope there will be another time we can spend just like this. i love you babeh. aumuahhh <3

alahhh, the video is all messed up :'( sorry


stronger and stronger.

guess what? i got my laptop charger oledi! weehee. for almost a month. bodoh itu cina manyak lembab. so harinh was a little fun. me and my family went out. our bonding time. tuh jelah.

takde kene mengena dgn title kan? baru nk start lah nh...

harinh dah 4hb 6 kan? yeahh, me and my boyfriend sudah 2bulan maaaaaa. tweeeeeee ;) this month also byk ups and downs. alahh, biaselah tuh kan bby. awak tuh mmg suka kalau bab2 buat i irritating nh. taknak cerita detail lah kan tp whatever it is, i sayang you, you know? every each mistake that we've done is one step of learning to understand each other. and i'm so proud that you've never gave up on me yet. like me, i'm so not gonna give up on you. you are all i have b. i'll be here with you as long as i can. let's make it longer kay bby? I love you. Muah muah