Againts All Odds.

hye everyone. shit, i really miss blogging. luahan hati lah katekan ;p so currently i'm at my rental house with kina and dhilah. they're wathcing tv and i'm in my room doing this :) so these previous weeks went, emmm, okay i guess. yknow, all of a sudden, i'm into MATHS :D haha. i cant wait for maths class. excited habis. and yeah, here's the part i've been dying to tell. it's about oh-you-know-who guy. At first, we were chatting on WhatsApp. then we started texting. then he came and talked to me. and then we chat again and he came to my house with a nasi lemak and i'm using his calculator. *oh no wonder i'm so into maths ==' but now, i just feel like, i shouldn't be too attached to him. because from what i see, he doesn't seem to have feelings for me no more. but i see that he still cares tho. hmm :/ i don't know what i'm supposed to do. i feel like ignoring him. should i? die pon ignore aku mcm senang jea. so it wouldn't be so hard for me to do so right? skrg nh pon aku dah tak text die, chat dgn die sume. for now, aku kene let go all of those things first. almaklumlah, pointer tinggi kali nh ayah nak belikan kereta. AMIN! :) well, aku rasa tuh jelah kot. nothing much kan? baru dapat online kt laptop harinh. *sigh. takpe. i'll see you guys some other time. till then, chiao :)

xxx, Tasha.


Live from rumah sewa.

hyeeeeeee!!!! omagosh omagosh i miss blogging :'( it's been awhile i haven't update my blog. well duhhh. currently i'm staying in my rental house. so hard to look for internet signal here. so i've been here for 4days already and the house is not bad. i live with 4 more friends. Kina, nudra, yan and mira. and the seniors who live next to us are pretty cool too. its just these past few days i haven't ate a lot. don't ask why. i cant even figure it out. hmm about college? huhh. not any better. i have to bumped into my ex like everyday. You know how it feels when you create too much memories in your college, everywhere you go in there, you'll recall back all those memories. I mean, why does that have to happen? i was more hoping that when i get here, i'll focus more on my studies, but i cant :'( the truth is, it really hurts. when i'm at the library i'll remember this, when i go to the cafe i'll remember that. haiyaaa :'( somehow, people just cant run away from their past even though one day they will, someday it will come back. to be honest, hmm, i still miss him though. everytime he passed by me, i feel like running onto him and hug him and choke him until he dies. okay, KIDDINNN. ==' i miss him so much. actually, i really like to bump into him everyday. i don't care if i dont get the chance to talk to him or make any contacts with him, i'll just look. :') look from afar but close to the heart. PFFFTTTT! whatever it is Ridzuan Azmi, if you're reading this, I still love you. I never hated you even when you break our relationship without any good reason or when you ignore me for many days or when you talk to girls 'gedik2' or just spoiled everything. I don't know why, but i think, i wont go for no one but you. You're just too fucking special to me. Hows that? :)



You Put A Light Into My Life.

TETTTTT! sorry. that person ain't you. its Allah All Mighty. He has opened up my heart. Open it wide to accept fate and to never drag myself into complications. I'm working so hard to let go of the past. Letting bygones be bygones. So just now I was in the car with my family till dad start saying " angah, awak blajo rajin2. " and then mama said " pelik eh. awak banyak A dgn C tp knp tak dpt 3pointer? " i said " kalau dah ade C mmg tak dpt lah 3 pointer tuh ma" and then dad said " awak focus study awak. ayah tahu you can do better. just improve yourself to become better. kalau awak dapat 3pointer ayah belikan lah awak satu kete" i... "hehehehehehehehehehe" dad... " tapi kete second hand jelah. haha " me?..... " hehehehehehehe ". that's all i ever need from you dad. spirit support. for this moment, no boyfriend. no fooling around. yes to flirting some more ;) yes to looking more damn gorgeous. no to serious relationship. and yes to weed. haha kiddinnnn. This time it'll be also about me. Just me and your world tasha. Got a live it well or you just rather be dead. :)


Pleaded Guilty. confession #3

Dear Boys and Girls,
Especially to the ones that we once had a conversation before and currently still. Hye, my name is Natasha and today I would like to come upon to a confession. First of all, I would like to apologize, from the bottom of my heart, from top to toe if there's anything that i did or said that might offended any of you. From exes to nemesis or anyone who has ever hold a grudge upon me. I'm truly sorry :'( There's this moment when I was in the car and I was staring outside the window, all those thoughts of being so unfortunate in relationship came to one point. Me. Take a look back where I did wrong. People say when you got involved in someone's life, you better be nice or you'll take karma everywhere with you. I screwed people's life. I made them hate me. They hated me :'( I'm sorry for being such a bitch all the time. I'm not perfect. I have flaws. I have many scars. I'm not pretty, not sexy. I'm a smoker. I smoke weed, recently. Can anyone tell me who will accept me as I am? Anyone? I guess no one :) How i wish i can live my life on my own. No need to bother about anyone. How I wish it would be that easy :'(


Consider these things, fragile.

you know, things like promises. people make promises and then tend to break it. people used promises as lies. you promise someone something but in the end, you can't grant it. if they cant guarantee you a better future, dont make promises that you can. from what i saw, some people have to go through hard times because of breaking their promises. arguments and misunderstanding and stuffs. promises shouldn't exist i guess. no one can promise you anything. no one can promise you happiness, wealth, health or whatever. so once you made a promise to someone, you better hold it in your hands and make sure you don't let go of it. so is people's heart. eventhough it takes a rock to throw on it to really crush the heart, but words, mann seriously, you dont need a rock then. why is a heart so fragile? because it is consist of feelings. emotions. even if they are invisible, can't be seen nor touched, you'll feel it somehow. when you break your promises, it breaks others hearts. don't try to make this things happen. always remember that we live to rejoice every moment of our lives. have the best of by making people appreciate the things you do for them. you don't think people will appreciate you when you hurt someone right? think about it, just for a second of your upcoming bezillion time.


I Miss You. So Badly Missing You.
I wonder if you feel the same ....


To : Ridzuan Azmi. xxx


Don't Love Me No More.

The phone rang...

Him : hello...
Me : haa hello..
Him : tgh buat ape?
Me : duduk2. td masa you call i dkt toilet lepastuh kemas rumah. skrg tgh packing2.
Him : ohh.. you, i ade something nk bgtaw you.
Me : ape die?
Him : i nk mintak clash..
Me : ....ohyeke. hmm okaylah
Him : hmm okaylah kalau mcm tuh

I quickly turned off the phone before he finished his words.

" I don't know what else to say. If that's what you wanted, then you get it. Promise me you stay out of my life after this. I don't want to know you anymore. You've hurt me too much. You neglected me. You upset me. You don't even had a second thought to apologize. Obviously you never cared. Everything that we had was memorable. You gave me one heck of an experience of a lifetime. I never had any of those moments with you with anyone else. I always thought that you would be the one but I never knew you would be the one to break my heart. Anyway, thanks for everything. I appreciate it. Hopefully, we will no longer see each other. I don't want to bump into you in college. Hopefully I wont see you at all so that I won't keep on remembering everything that we had. Nice knowing you Ridzuan Azmi. "


In Despair.

its 0407 today. you know what that means. it's me and his 3months anniversary. and guess what? we still havent talk to each other. :') so i spent my day with my friend Natasha Razak and also my brother Hakim to Shah Alam. I wanted to settle all my fees and stuff. and then i asked tacha to drive to Laman Budaya Shah Alam. just wanted to recall back the sweet times i had with him. you know, just in case i will never see him again. i went to look for him at his workplace. not really looking but just walking around there. who knows i might bumped into him, but i didn't. going anywhere in Shah Alam reminds me of him. over here and there. we create little memories and we left them at many places. it puts a smile on my face eventhough i should be drowning my eyes devastating about our problems. problems? hmm, guess i have to put it that way. i can't believe i'll be heading back to college this Thursday. i'm gonna miss Juno mostly. we've had the best times together. kan Juno? :') still, i feel like going back to college because i want to start doing something. and most of all, i just hope after i got my ass back there, things between me and him will be fine as always. Amin.


Is this the End?

let's not wish it is. fuck! the whole week! no text, no call, no nothing! is this what you want? I HATE YOU! GET THAT???!!!


are you happy now? i'm devastated. i'm crushed. i feel stupid already. if you dont want me anymore, tell me! i dont want to go through this again and again. I've had ENOUGH! i'm tired of crying, i'm tired of playing the same fucking depressing songs! We should just forget about going 3months. you are probably tired of me too. you don't love me anymore, right? i know. i can't do anything. just leave me if you must. i guarantee you you wont regret because i know i'm not that kinda girl you wanna spend your life with. i'm no guy's favourite girl. :'( just let me go.