Recalling.

remember when I taught you how to use Skype and then you're getting good with it?

you are by fact the most charming guy ever :')

and called you ' biskut tiger' and you called me ' hup seng ' :'D

you picked up lyrics from songs, and that actually won my heart :)


and you always offered hugs if I've gotten angry/sad with you :')

and then I decided to tell you...

that I like you <3

and then we would ' dodoi ' each other before bed. :') the best part!

he sent me ' Just The Way You Are ' by Bruno Mars. <33>and I gave him a song too by Paramore, ' The Only Exception ' :')

Adam once told me to enjoy the little things in life. I do. And these are the little things I see all day. unfortunately I have no one to appreciate it with. It was my mistake at first to believe that after I met you, things will go differently. No more lies, no more leaving, no more stupid excuses. but, you did it again. :')

that's our little memory. the only picture of me and you but we can't see you :'D

Tenacious Me.

tak sangka dah 10 bulan. kuatkan saya? memanglah aku kuat. walaupun nampak phlegmatic tapi, dalam hati siapa yang tahu ? :') okay, frankly, I'm not over this bastard. I called you that because you called yourself by that word. I miss you stupid. I miss you :'( everytime I woke up, the first thing I do is angkat my phone, tgk if there's any misscall or text messages from you. tapi? TAKDE! :'( kau memang dah lupa kt aku completely kan? just because I told you I'll forget everything about you means kau pon boleh buat the same thing is it? it hurts, kau taw tak?! you're still niggling in my head ! you mean so much to me. knowing that you're no longer around, buat aku sayu. we used to say things sampai 'tersyamsul'. we used to have sweet conversations * mcm org lain tak penah. D.I.C? no :) bastard, knp engkau? remember tak kau penah ckp kt aku kau byk jerawat and aku akan terkejut tgk kau? SIKIT PON AKU TAK KISAH! when i said, you mean a thousand millions and zillion times to me, I don't give a damn about all those. yg penting, I love you :'( seriously, I do. aku rase dah masuk brpe kali aku ckp ' I love you' kt kau tp kau tak ckp balik. sabo jelah ==' Okay Adam Jamil, I don't know what else to say. my heart, my thoughts went obstreperous thinking about you!! kau masih lingering dalam hidup aku, Adam :( You bring big metamorphosis in my life. I hate you for that.

Congrats, baby :')

baby, remember how I used to take care of you? how I took you from your mother after she left you all alone outside my house? when I called out your name in the drain and you would be running out towards me? you were so small at that time. everyday I would find you just to hold in my hands. to cuddle you and pinch you face. then play ropes with you. I also remember there's one time that I thought I'd almost lost you when I found out that you weren't home. I thought I had lost you ' again '. but I kept my faith strong that I'll find you, and I did. from that day, I'd promised to make sure that you'll grow stronger like me. Juno, you and me have no differences. we both are small, kan kan kan? :) you need love and care as much as I do. we're fun and need someone to cheer us up.

and now, getting to see you growing up makes me soooo proud you know that sayang? to see that you've complete my life. when days getting longer, and till the day that I have to be away from you, all I could ever wish for is for you to always stay the same until I get back to you. still the fun, crazy, bangang Juno. you left me scars but I don't mind scars from you. at least I have memories beyond those scars. and now, mom told me you're pregnant. HAHA sayang! you're TOO small to get pregnant. I don't mean by your age but your size lah baby. but somehow Allah has given you 'rezeki' and I want you to take care of them just like how I took care of you back in the days. you can be a good mummy kan? I love you and I miss you Juno :'( I think about you everyday because we used to spent our boring days together. I don't need to get out of the house to hangout with anyone because I have you. you are all I need. you are my cure to every sickness, boringness, loneliness, sadness. you are the reason I stand strong till today. you made me tougher to go through thick and thin. omg, I feel like crying now. :') you don't know how proud I am to own you. Juno, you are indeed my best-est soulmate ever. I love you and I always do.

Really lots of love,
natasha <3

One Sweating Day.

untunglah sume orang balik rumah. kitorg duduk tercepit kat poli. TAPI harinh haha, aku, kina, madiyoncee, sabariah, azza and mia sara decided to lepak2 dkt Sungai Besar. The only town where you can find anything you want. Even karaoke centre! HAHA jamban pon jamban lah kan. puas aku dapat melalak-lalak. oh, gambar nh time dkt kedai kasut. aku suruh si mardiyoncee nh amek gmbr kasut yg aku tgh pakai tuh. nak tunjuk kt mama. sumpah today was tiring! and I got myself a new selendang. yayy ==' and dapat makan KFC. cheesy wedges sumpah mcm *&@6@&^@% punye sedap! dah lame tak makan kann. kesian. I guess thats all. btw, today, I had fun :)

Senyum : Tak Perlu Kata Apa- Apa.

Thanks to Fizah for singing this song repeat-teneously.

HAHA. memandai jea aku buat perkataan sendiri. anyways, harinh mmg hari yg aku kne byk senyum dan tak perlu kata apa- apa. Sebab tgh simpan dalam hati.
walaupun terdapat pepatah kata " jarum jangan disimpan dalam peti, perasaan jangan simpan didalam hati."
cop, ade kea? ade kann? =='
aku malas nk cerita ape yang aku simpan dalam hati tuh. sebab mcm tak boleh blah sket. tp aku tetap nk cerita sbb pepatah tuh ckp " jangan simpan jarum dalam peti " punye pasal.
Once upon a time, aku ade HUGE, HUMONGOUS AND STUPID crush dekat this guy. ehemm, budak poli jugokk :'D aku mcm baru perasan aku asyik usha die dari awal bulan1 tahun 2011.
skrg dah masuk 3 tahun aku usha die.
Matematik aku A so korang diam jea. And latest goss, aku dapat number die. jeng heng jeng. mcm mane aku dpt? ha lu mintak pertolongan membe gua yg profesiosnal katil depan aku nh.
Jantung aku takpayah cerita. it goes 140km/j! bapok laju enn?
aku dgn tangan menggigil mcm orang kne penyakit Parkinson terus lari pegi bilik, konon2 nak tenang kan jantung yg tgh drive Ferrari tuh.
membe2 aku sume ckp " Tasha text lah text lah! apo lagi! ". aku dah tersengih2 mcm bangkai kambing dah tepi katil, bukan atas katil. so, aku text lah.
hmm, first time text pon dah mcm kekok sket. dahlah dgn ' awak saya awak saya ' nye. pehh, mmg formal abeh!
tp kan weyh, silap lah aku nk kenal dgn die. :'( haa nh dah nak nangeh nh.
bukan ape, tp die mcm takmoh layan aku. aku nh ikhlah taw dok?!
tp takpelah kan, i'm nobody to force anyone to make friends with me.
You can come, you can even leave.
walaupun dalam hati, hati aku little by little turning into ashes, tp aku biarkan jea hati aku mcm tuh, tapi aku nak soul aku kuat. :') that's the spirit!
" Life has more to offer. Get the one with discounts and never look for expensive ones. What a waste! " - Natasha's Words of Wisdom. * wisdom lah sgt =='
Okay, so the konklusi adalah, Senyum, tak perlu kata apa- apa :)

High Expectations can kill.

Some days I feel like going off the cliff waving goodbye while tears run down my shaking cheeks. Thinking about what I really deserve to be and to do. Knowing that certain people don't need me in their lives. Been thrown away like I'm nothing. During my fall, I'll remember how sweet life can be at times, but then there comes a time when you stop fighting for something you want and you crush and smash those hopes you thought it would be realized. I'll remember how it feels to be in love, how it feels to hold someone by the hand and tell them to never let go. Eventually, they will. People used to tell me, " if you are given a chance, don't ever let it slip away. " Hmm, I did. A millions of times. And I've never regret about it. I believe in my way. I'll let my heart beats faster then break into pieces. I'll even keep my tears for someone who would really appreciate it. I won't listen to all the advices telling me to change. I WON'T! I just wanna stay this way on hoping one day someone will tell me not to change because he likes me for who I am. It's pretty sad to look at myself in the mirror, putting on my eyeliner, glossing my lips-red, wearing my best outfit, ready to go out into the world who won't even bother to know who I am.

It Ends Tonight.

21 Feb 2011, the day I don't even want to remember by next year. I decided to make it right, just for my own good. For almost 3months I know this guy, he is by far the most amazing guy I've ever met. He was first just a guy-a normal guy who refuses to be quite charming to a girl. He doesn't know how to flirt. He doesn't know how to pamper a girl. He doesn't know how to comfort a girl when she's upset. I don't know what hit me, but I'm eager to know him more. I asked for his phone number and after that, we kept texting each other. We called each other by cute names. We were on the phone until our credits ran out. We even fought for small things then we would get back together. After a few months, he turned out different. He was more loving and caring. He always scold me for not eating, “Awak nak kene gastric kea shashon? ". The first time I called him ' sayang ', he never said the same thing back. But I kept calling him ' sayang ' until he calls me that, and he did. By that time, I realized that I have taught him how to fit in into my life. I've changed him from who he was before and he even told me that I'm the first girl that he has ever been sweet to after for such a long time. Until the day we met on the 2nd February at KLCC, I was quite mesmerized. Simple and just the way I like it. He taught me words that he used with his friends. And then, after that day, I felt like something’s wrong was about to happen. We had a huge fight. The fight that brought us apart for a while. We were at peace just for a few days till I asked him “who am I to you? “. Things got really different afterwards. He didn't call me by cute names anymore. He rarely calls me. He even rarely text me. How it breaks my heart into little pieces. Once he told me that I was his best girlfriend ever. Reading his old messages feels like I'm still living in that moment when we use to enjoy our days together. Too sweet to remember however it's also heartbreaking to know it’s about to end. And for you to know, me and this great person, are just friends. For 2months, I always thought that we would be more than that but we're not. Always wanted to tell him how much I love him but I can feel that he can never felt the same way. And on this date (21 Feb.) I told him how much I miss him because we've been keeping each other apart for a week and I can't stand it. A lot of things around me reminded me of you. I told him “I love you " and he had never once told me that he loves me too. He replied, he misses me too but he doesn't want me to keep on hoping. The moment a read that message, what crosses my mind is to just let him go. So, I told him, I will never text him again, I won't think about him again, I will pretend that we never even knew each other. I won't keep my hopes on him anymore and he'll never hear anything about me. Just as he wanted. I have loved you as you wanted and now, I will do as you wanted. I can never find someone like you. Like I said, you're different. That's the reason I kept strong to stay with you but you insist me to keep away those feelings for you because you are too scared that you would hurt my feelings. You're so tight to your friends and you believed that you can never get a place for me in your life.
Adam, we were so good together, how come we could not handle. And now, you and I have to say goodbye. Sweet memories with you, Damdam.

Lots of love,
Shashon. :')

Monster within us.

To wake up, and to look at your phone and there's no text messages for you, to see that there's no missed calls from the person you expected. When you feel like you've plenty of credits but you don't seem to be using them a lot, and then realized that you have no one to talk to. Felt lonely at the moment you look through your inbox messages. How can you handle your feelings? Wouldn't it be easier if you could just forget and laugh? Wouldn't it be fun if you could just say " Hey! " to the whole world so that they can see that you're happy and don't seem to be having any problems in life? Wouldn't it be happy to just be happy for one second and enjoy the rest of it ? But then, you'll realize that no one needs you. And thank God there's dream so that everyone could run away from real life for awhile. Because I don't think I could handle real life.

Valentines Day? Pffttt

Hmm, let's see. Tomorrow's Valentines Day and guess what? I have no one to wish that to :') But I don't mind. Its not like we Muslims can celebrate that day. Haram you know... ==' Okay, so me and Adam, now, are not talking to each other anymore. I decided to just pull us apart rather than falling for someone who's never going to be ready for me. But that's okay. I'm better off this way plus I'm already used to it so it doesn't affect me a lot *lying. From the day I was born, I've never gave up on anything. I believe that someday, jyeah someday :') it will all be okay. Somehow I just have to keep my faith still. My biggest weakness can never be my biggest path of failure but it will be my strength to keep moving on. Damn, ape kebenda aku mencarut nh? Nice words from someone you don't expect to be nice. Haha. Oh oh! And and, I've never stop thinking of " Budak Comel ". Cumon! When can I ever talk to you!? We keep staring at each other but its just that. hmm, nak hampa lagi kea? Okayy :/ Hopefully someday I'll get the chance to talk to you :)

Should I go through this again?

for shashonnn ONLY :) :

Adam Jamil January 17 at 1:05am

the moody situation that we been through please forgiiiiiiiiiiiivvvvvvvveeeeee me shashon and i admit im full of goofing around and never think about your feelings. i swear to be more careful next time around. You are my first priority right nowwwww ! nothing else ! and i felt very awful to make you angry ! please please and please be gila gila back for meeee ! im glad that you answered my calls and to hear your voice is such a relief.

K-Ci & JoJo - All My Life

www.youtube.com

Music video by K-Ci & JoJo performing All My Life. (C) 1998 Geffen Records


I don't know where's the flaws between us. After the day we met, you didn't text me and when I'd text you, you said you were busy with your friends. So what's the point you mentioned " You are my first priority right now. "? And there comes a time when I need you the most. When I feel like breaking down, when I feel like crying, I need you here with me even if you can't drive all the way just to see me or whatever. I just wanna feel that you are here. :'( Then like just now, we were texting and I asked you " Eh adam, pagois tuh ape? " , " Hahaha mane u tahu pagois ? U stalk eyh ? Haha susah nak terang " , " Hehe :p alahh cptlah cptlah! " , " Haha klau i ckp klcc dekat pagois maknenya klcc jauh gila. Paham ? " , " Ohh. Okay paham :) " , " Haha asal u tye ? " , " Saje nak taw. Hehe " , " Bgtaw ah ? " , " Alahh. I saje nk taw. Tuh jea " , " Dh tak nak ckp dgn u dh klau u tak bgtau." , " :'( " , " Baek bgtau! " , " I dah ckpkan i saje nk taw " , " Tiba2 u tnye pastu i takde ckp pagois smlm " , " Hmm, i tye jea :( " , " Hrmm okay " , " Hmm. Takpelah. U mcm taknak ckp dgn i. Bye. " , " U tak bgtaw i mane u tahu perkataan tu sape suruh. Bye " , " Don't talk to me. I don't need you " , " I pening lah dgn u ni, kejap marah dgn kwn u pastu dgn i. Lantak u lahh nk buat ape! I nk pg club mlm ni. "

So, I know it may seemed ' remeh-temeh ' but once a guy talks to you this way, it breaks your whole heart. I don't know. Maybe seeing me made you this way. Maybe because you were expecting a ' something ' girl but what you see on that day was... nothing?

But that's okay. Since I've known you, I've never been so weak. You are my biggest weakness still you are my strongest strength. Whenever you left me like this, I feel so weak. I feel like there's no one in this world that I need the most other than you. I've been in this situation so many times, Adam. And what I expect from you is a different way of treating me but I guess it will still be the same like the others. I'm sorry but honestly, you're pushing me one step back from you. I always wanted to tell you this, but I know I won't get the chance. I love you :')

The Month of Love :)

Me and Natasha Razak went out to Kuala Lumpur. At first, the main point going there is to finish my assignment. But before I started my assignment, I grant my first wish to meet the always-talked-about guy, ADAM! haha. And alhamdulillah dapat jumpa die. :') Walaupon kejap :/ jea dpt jumpa, tak kesah lah kan. Sempat jugak die ajar ayat2 nh shomat, dungkuds lahh ape lagi ntah. haha bahasa orang Bukit Indah. :p I had fun seeing him though. Lepastuh, nak taw sape lagi ade? Jayamala dengan Kina pon ade oh! haha. Tak dpt nk lpk lama sket sbb korang pon kne balik awal kan. Takpe, next time ade. Haa nh yang nak cerita nh. Look who me and Natasha Razak finally get to meet :

Farisha lah weyh! Berkurun berzaman berabad bertahun nak jumpa tapi tak dpt2 dan alhamdulillah dapat jugak jumpe kan kan? Eh, ade kea korang panggil aku Kak Long?! watta*&&%@$ saya baru 19. Muda lagi, kay? ==' Plus, nh satu jea gambar ktorg together. Sebab masing2 pon dah nak pulang by that time, so , hmmmmmm gitulah ceritonyo.

Soo yang nh pulak Emmy Emmyra eh name die? Haa. Actually aku baru kenal die nh. She's Farisha's friend. Pernah nampak her facebook page but tersangatlah segannnn ;p but she's cool though. Can get water inside your head lahh. Faham enn? (Y) btw, gambar nh is located at Old Town Pavilion. Mee curry dah sedap, slack air kau kelat. bluwekkk

oh yah! In this picture, next to me, that's him :')

Too good to be true.

Nowadays, I know we'll make friends through the internet. Social chatting website ==' The closest and the most simplest example? Facebook. Haha. Okay, bukan nk bukak cerita lama but teringin nk cerita. So, I known this ' minah otak tak betul agaknye ' . Her name is.... nak sebut kea? Nak kea nak kea? Sebut lah eh? Okay. Name die pika muhammad. Cerita die mcm nh lah. I've known this minah since like for so long. Kenal dekat? Yes, Facebook. ==' memang perosak bnde nh. When we were friends, die mmg caring tahap cipan tenuk gaban segala lah. Kalau aku ade masalah dgn lelaki, I would tell her, share with her and she would calm me down. How sweet, kan? ==' So during November kea October, I'm with this guy ( name tak nak sebut sbb tak perlu ). Mase tarikh cantik nh [ 11.11.2010 ], we broke up. Then I bgtaw lah dkt minah nh sbb nk kongsi2 cerita. Tak salah kan? And then, punyelah die maki hamun si mamat nh sbb break dgn aku padahal aku mcm " hmm, what to do lah kannnn... " After a few weeks tak online sbb aku dah menetap dkt tempat belajar, wifi takde, laptop takde, teringin lah rase nk online kejap Facebook nh sbb nk borak dgn kawan2. Then, nak post something dkt wall minah tuh. Haa, dengan expression muka terkejut berok masa aku bukak wall die, TERnampak lah status mengenai mamat yang break sekian sekian dengan aku tuh TAPI ade symbol ( heart ). Heyy, ape nh ? Dah maki2 tapi alih2 kau pulak yang tergedek2 kt die? Halamak. Terus aku dengan perasaan benci lagi marah menghantar text message kat die. Macam nh terus aku hantar " Kau ade ape2 nk bgtaw aku kea?" Haaa liddat you know. Then ecehh, pura2 tataw kunun. Tokse lerr nk sorok2 dgn aku. Kalau ye pon nk bercintun cinten dgn ex aku, coverline biar cantik lah. Bukan sbb aku sayang kt ex aku lagi, sebab KAU MEMBER AKU. ehemm, skrg BEKAS okay? BEKAS. Boleh eja? B-E-K-A-S. Haa pandai. So after aku text die, die berkunun lah ckp nk delete everything pasal mamat berkenaan dan meminta lah maaf kepadaku. Then, ape kau igt aku nk forgive kau mcm tuh jea? Lagi2 yang paling terbaik skali, KAU DELETE AKU DARI FACEBOOK. Pehh, kau mmg number 1. Lepastuh I decided to post a status about her maybe any of her friends in my friendlist would love to pass it to her, mane tahu kan? :') And what I remember, this is what I posted " I don't trust Facebook friends. Macam pantat. Ooppss " haha tak cool kan? I know. Then, cepat lah teka siapa yang like that status? Haaa... Lu ape? Lu pikiaq lah sorang2. All of a sudden aku jadi tak paham. Ishh ape nh? Apehal minah nk buat mcm nh kt aku then mamat nh like pulak? Adakah mereka?? Ohh, tak mungkin. :|

So, the moral of the story is.. Nak berkawan, sangat boleh. BOLEH SANGAT! Allah tak larang umat2nye untuk berkawan. Tapi setakat nak kawan sebab nk kutip (&^^%$#@ haa paham kan? takpayah lah. Sumpah you dickheads are wasting mine and other people's time. Semua manusia, I believe, malas nak bergaduh, malas nak maki hamun caci cela kutuk kutik nganjing membabi orang2 mcm nh.

So, to Pika Muhammad, I don't know what in the hell is wrong with you. Muka lawa tp perangai sangat hancing. I misjudged you because I thought you were nice. And in case you're reading this, I don't give a damn what you're about to say. I've made my words. I spit this shit just for you and you can't blame this on me." You jumped into a puddle of pig shit and you still have to take a shower yourself ". Don't tell me I'm wrong. Don't assume me being bitchy. Oh, you can. Because, whatever sorta shit you wanna say about me, things will never be the way it used to. Still, knowing you is my biggest mistake.