haha okay. I know this might sound weird but yeah. I was sitting on my laptop and I'm having thoughts about how my baby would look like. But of course, what makes a great baby must be a good husband, right? hehe. I think I wanna stick to being choosy at this matter. Like, my husband's personality. Of course I wanted a musician. Maybe a guitarist, not just an amateur guitarist but a really ass kickin' guitarist. Or maybe a pianist. Or both and is really good at singing. Somehow, my husband doesn't need to be so friggin rich. I was hoping for a modest, humble, smart, lovable kinda husband. The one that always remember that his family must come first. Knows how to protect his family. And hell jyeah, we'll teach our children to play music as well. And I like Asian guys. Ones with very small eyes, fair and just, straight hair, tall and of course, muscles. *melting. haha! I'm gonna find one. If I'm not gonna find one, then I'll stay single for the rest of my life. okay, kidding. With this kinda husband I've described, the results would turn out to be like this baby ;so cute right? yeah, that's what I wanted. I'll teach my baby to become a better person. If my baby's a boy, I would teach him to be a gentleman. To never break a woman's heart. And if my baby's a girl, I'll teach her to be and admirable woman. No need to show her skin to get attention but to show her humble and attractive personality.
hyee! so currently I'm at Johor Bahru. My uncle just got engaged here. Everything went well. My first day here, I got the chance to meet my old friend, Tuah. We've known each other from Myspace till now. He's changed tho. After 2years I haven't met the guy. He even said that I've changed. haha. People changed. Normal thing. And just now we had a family dinner at this kedai makan that serves ' kacang poll '. Its this food that serves 'roti bakar not-so bakar with butter' and eat with this sort-of corny dog sauce. Bashkita(yummy in Korean)! But now, I'm back to being hungry again. Erghh. So not cool right now. Basically, we all don't go around that much. Everybody's busy watching football. Again, erghh. Hm, so I guess that's all about today. dasi da-eum sigan chamjo!
i know its almost 6am. I'm like so addicted to this korean drama. I don't even fucking know why all of a sudden i'm into korean dramas. weirdo. hm, I was about to share something this morning. This sudden feeling I have. I feel like letting it out. so here is the only place where I'm comfortable sharing it. So, my exam is almost over. One more paper left. During these days, it's been quite a rough day. So many things I had in mind, especially the thought of that guy. I know. I can't stop talking about him am I? as days are almost closer to the end of semester, I have this thought, " what would happen to us after this? maybe we would both go separate ways for good and start getting busy with our lives? " aku igt, this one time, once kawan die pernah mentioned " apa akan jadi dgn korang lepas nh? Die dah habis belajar, and kau masih dkt situ..." well, something like that. yeah, aku tgh fikir lah jugak nh. Sometimes, i feel like, there's this little tiny chances that we're going to be just fine, but 99.99% of my consciousness says, there will be no 'us'. And come to think of it, mungkin selama harinh, he wasn't actually talking about me. Maybe it was someone else. Someone that he wanted. Someone that can make him really happy, and maybe, the person isn't me. Reading whatever he posts, the first two seconds I was smiling, and then, I realized that it wasn't meant for me. Perasan lebih, kan? After all, life is no fairy tale or not like any of these korean dramas. This is the real deal. I'm, just...nothing. There's no way that there's one guy who would run towards me and hugs me or even remembering the memories yang kita dah lalui atau pun, text me " I love you " to make sure that I know that he wont leave, big time. Bullshit lah semua tuh! It's time I face reality. Maybe I can never forget, tapi aku akan senyum setiap kali aku teringat semua kenangan2 tuh. If he's happy with the person that makes him happy, I'll be happy for him too. Because you're the reason I smile back then. And I'm glad that knowing you wasn't my biggest mistake, at all. :)
I don't know why am I still talking about this. Everything starts back again. Even though it's been awhile I tried to let go of the past. I mean, how can I rejoice for the future when my past still lives in the present. So here I am again. Blogging about 'The One That Got Away'. Chances of him coming back is very slim, still I wanted him to come back. Ensuring him that this time I'm working so hard, really hard to fix things. 'Broken things can be mended', with a lot of effort. I smiled at times, and I cried behind those smiles. I get really upset that he just doesn't realize how big my love for him. Maybe he thought it was just some typical love. The ones that stays and go. People have been telling me that my too-much effort haven't been paid off. Ask me why I'm still talking about it. I tried to be stronger and stronger each day. But actually, I've been strong enough to hold on to you. I don't care if I can't be the first. Even if I'm the last woman on earth, it won't even bother me. I really miss the time when I go to sleep, I would snuggle my pillow with a smile, knowing that there is actually someone out there that really love me. And when I woke up in the morning, and it was still real to me. Now that things have ended, I would only wish this is just some nightmare to me. Eventually, I'm not sleeping and the nightmare keeps going on. It gets even tougher and tougher. My heart is almost at it's stake but I'm still pushing myself to be this way. I just don't know why. I'm so lost right now Y_Y
00:45, dgn selamba aku keluar rumah tanpa izin ayah atau mama. Muadz tgh tgu dkt tepi tadika dalam kereta viva die berserta rakan2 lain ( Amier, Raja dan Mamat ).
Aku : weyh kite nak g mane nh? Muadz : nak g jmpe eqa lah. aku lama tak jmpe eqa. Aku : haa kau serious? aku duit tak meriah sgt nh. Muadz : alah, sorg 2rm dah lah. Aku : okay, ape2 jelah.
Jalan jalan jalan, sampai dkt G-Hut sec7. Shisha situ terbaik. Sampai jea sana, nampak eqa tp die tak nmpk ktorg. padan muka aku buat prank call kt kau eqa. hehe. then bertapa lah ktorg dkt situ, borak2, main card, borak2, sesi luahan perasaan dan sesi kuat perasan. Lama2 jadi bosan sbb asyik duduk. Punggung pun dah panas so ktorg gerak ke tempat lain pulak. Teringin nak main balik skate, nasib baik Muadz bawak deck die. Berluncur lah saya mcm pro malam tuh *___*' Supposedly, I had to meet someone last night. Dahrul, my ex when I was in Form3. It's been such a long time we haven't seen each other. So dok call2, text2, die tak sampai2 di lokasi. Hujan pon dah membasahi pipi *wtf =.=' then terpaksa lah gerak balik. Tak dpt jumpa pon Dahrul. Next time aite? :) So, here's the best part of it all. As expected, mesti sampai rumah pukul 4lebih.
Aku : Muadz, agak2 boleh tak sampai rumah aku pukul 430? Muadz : boleh bolehh. Aku : okay.
Aku dpt rasa yang mak aku bangun awal. yelah, bangun subuh ye dok. Aku yeye igt kunci adik aku dah letak dkt2 dgn pintu so senang nk capai. Haa amek kau, skali aku bukak sliding door tepi pintu, TAKDE! dead dead dead. Aku pon pegi lah lagi satu sliding door nak capai kunci yang tergantung2 berdekatan situ. Seriously say, kalau aku jadi mak/ayah aku, bunyi kt bawah time tuh mcm ade org tgh pecah rumah (aku lettewww). Dgn bunyi grill gung gang gung gang. Pastuh tak tahan, bunyi kunci masuk dkt door knob, bapak bising! Okay, bukak pintu, masuk, tutup pintu. Naik atas slow2, pandang bilik parents. GOD! Asal dorg dah bukak lampu!!!????? Dah nak sampai depan pintu bilik aku, kepauuooo AYAH BUKAK PINTU DIE!
Ayah : uihhh! *terkejut. Awak dari mana nh?? Aku : haa? dr bawah lah.. Ayah : dr bawah mane? Aku : angah kt bawah lah td tgk tv. Ayah : yeke? asal td ayah turun takde pon awak kt bawah? Aku : *deaddeaddead bila ayah turun? Ayah : baru jea td. ayah turun tgk tv. awak tak perasan? Aku : angah dkt dpn rumah td dgn kawan2. Mama : yeke awak nh angah? ke awak keluar?? Aku : ya Allah, angah duduk dpn rumah jea main card, borak2. Mama : kawan awak tuh dtg naik ape? Aku : ermm, naik kereta lah. Ayah : asal ayah tak dgr pon bunyi kereta? senyap jea? Aku : die parking dkt depan tadika tuh. Ayah : asal die parking situ? taknak ayah dgr? Aku : yelahh. angah ckp kt die jgn bising sgt. Ayah : awak dah pandai dah nk merayap malam2 en. Aku : ishh, mane ade lah. adoi
Terus masuk bilik tukar baju, buat muka watlek, tidur. Sumpah coverline aku mcm bodoh en? Tapi nasib baik lepas. aha. cuak doh. Tido tak tenang. So pagi td ayah kejut aku, aku terus bangun. Die suruh masak, aku masak. Die suruh aku pegi kedai, aku pegi. Bodek balik =.=' hehe. So itu jelah cerita best minggu nh.
Anyways, I had so much fun with my friends last night. Thanks to my baby Eqa, Amier, Muadz, Raja and Mamat. :') Gambar nty gua upload!
first of all, thanks Kakna for spending your time with me today. Eventho it wasn't that much but I enjoyed it. I went to her house today. She wanted me to teach her play guitar. She's like trying her ass off playing 'California King Bed' by Rihanna and she keeps repeating " how come when i...How come when i..." haha. kesian die. Me? Oh, I was on the laptop. Chatting with a friend, sharing about her love life and turns out to be on the same boat as i do. Then, at 6 oclock, I went out with my cousin for ice cream. Then I decided to drove back to a place where i can never forget, Laman Tasik Budaya, Shah Alam. I know i shouldn't go there but I wanted to show my cousin the place. So to be more specific, we went to the hut where me and 'the guy' sat. Our signature on the hut's floor was scratched. Then I went to the rocks, and it is still there, just a little blurry tho. And I showed to my cousin how 'it' happened. I immediately turn into silence. Kakna giggled and said, " takpelah angah. ade yg lebih baik utk angah. jgn putus harapan. angah bukannya tk cukup bagus. nak kata angah tak cantik, cantik. alahh, jgn risau lah..." my thoughts straightly went back to normal. we walked to our car and drove back to my cousin's house. Took my beg and ready to went back home. I drove alone. I turned the radio volume to 17. All of a sudden, "With You" by Chris Brown played on the radio. I burst into tears! And, thank God I didn't hit anyone. Wiped my tears and I went, " what the fuck is wrong with you tasha? Fuck!" I know. Pretty stupid. So I stopped by the road, relax, cooling myself down, and off to the road.
Do you know why I suddenly burst into tears? Because I realized, that for even how long I have to wait, he is still never coming back. He had found the girl that he wanted. The girl he called " She's half of me". It happened when I was at the Tasik while I was walking towards my cousin's car. I was twittering and he tweeted that to a friend telling that his gf is his half. Obviously, she is the one. and I was nothing back then.
Ewn, I was never in progression. I was only in denial. I pushed you away in the hopes of you see that I can be strong without you but all I wanted you to know, that is the moment when I really needed you the most. Things turned out to be wrong when we started talking recently. I shouldn't have talked to you. It made me too carried away. There was I again, thinking that maybe I would still have a chance with you. I'm sorry.
kenapa lagi nh, Tasha? Mane ade ape2. Aku okay jea kan. Sumpah? Ishh, sumpahhhh. Nak nipu tak jadi. Kau kenapa ha? Ey, aku ckp takde ape kan. Kau jgn nk tipu aku. cpt cerita! Hm, takdelah. Aku igt benda nk berubah tp sama jugak. Bodoh gak aku g terbawak2 bnde nh... Haa, nh mesti pasal... Haa tuhlah tuh. Dahlah. Aku malas nk cerita lah pasal bnde nh. Small matter jea. Forget it. Heshh..
sumpah mabuk aku online dlm kete nh. pandang screen. err loya loya! tp still nk update blog jugak. hehe. so esokkan as uolls know adalah hari raya aidiladha. nh otw nk pegi rumah opah. aww, rindu opah. dgr cerita opah nk masak rendang ape bagai. can't wait for that one! wuuhuuu... tp rasanya ayah nh drive nk pergi shah alam dulu. singgah rumah maklong. kakna, guitar baru kau tuh jaga2 lah. kejap lagi angah nak bantai. hehehe. eh, raya haji dpt duit raya tak? rasa mcm nak mintak tp kang nmpk bodoh pulak org lain tak mintak aku gatal nak mintak. hmm... okay2. pening datang balik. bye uolls!
Yeahh, cool jelah. Malam td ade terhantuk kt mana2 tuh yg tibe2 dpt flashback bukan2. Ter 'fly'. haha. Harinh Alhamdulillah lebih baik dr beberapa jam yang lalu. hehe. celik mata pagi td terusss pegi duduk depan piano mendendangkan lagu kesukaan Juno. " Juno suke iyee kite main lagu Kiss The Rain utk Juno? atotototototo " :') dan satu harinh dok mengadap laptop jea. mandi pon belum actually. so sbb td tataw nk buat ape. Facebook dkt laptop, Twitter dkt phone tp dua2 takde org nk tegur pon. SIGHH! jadi aku pon bukak lah wall aku. saje nk tgk older post dan older dan makin older to the oldest. tergelak2 aku baca sorg2 conversation aku dgn si Shakeyna Nurul. "haha.KINA! behave!" kina reply : "Tasha! BEWARE! hahaha" . ROFLMFAO! sumpah lawak Kina nh. bongok2 jea kite sem lepas kan? tak. sem nh pon still bongok2 jugak. hehe. cepat jea hati aku terubat kan? insya Allah berkekalan senang hati mcm nh. Taknak lah aku sedih2. penat doh, sumpah penat. Nak menangis pon air mata bukannya nk keluar pon. hati jea yg tak tenteram. mungkin sbb aku tak mandi kot semalam! alamak. kk, harinh aku nak mandi! rasanya nk bawak Juno mandi skali. busuk lah budak tuh. gewaammmm! ^^ okay, penat fikir ape nk type, penat jari nak men-type. kang panjang2 juling pulak kau nk baca. kbye uolls <3
I'm losing myself again. I let myself lose. :'( Why can't I be strong? I know I can. But tonight, seemed wrong. Things have changed. He's changed. Why can't I accept that??
Why am I being this way? All of a sudden my heart falls to the ground. I can't even reach to pick it up. It gets even harder and harder. The feeling of knowing... That time can never turn back around. But still, I refuse to let myself free. I bounded myself with losing, hopeless, faithless... Wishing that things could go back to the way it used to STOP IT, TASHA! PLEASE! It's never gonna happen! Snap out of it will yah!!? Please :'( My heart isn't that strong. Don't torture yourself , Tasha. Let him go. Let him go. Please :'(
hye. so, today is the 3rd November and tomorrow? Yes. The 4th. hmm. Well, it should be me and my ex's 7 months anni but yeah, 'ex'. So I wanna write about it. The first time I went out celebrating monthsary with him. We went out to Sunway. He took me to Baskin Robin for my favourite ice cream. And then we went to Asia cafe. Played foosball with him. Then took pictures in his car, videos. And then we went to Tasik Budaya Shah Alam. Took a walk there. The place where he proposed. Then met his friends there. Sat by the lake watching little turtles. hm. I wished we would still be together. If we do, we're already 8 months. Well, I'm still like this when he now has a girlfriend. Too much luck for me, I guess. Let's just let the time flies. Someday, I'll even forget what the 4th to what month really means to me. :')
okay, this would be very verrryyyy long. hehe. hye! as uolls know, I'm Natasha. The most outstanding*eceh. So let's start. I was born on the 9th of January. Those who had seen my baby pictures they thought I was some chinese kiddo. even now they said the same thing. yupp, i'm a mixture of bugis and chinese. I have 5sibs. The first is my brother, I'm the second, my brother, a sister and another brother. I'm close to my brother, Akem. He taught me how to play guitar, smoke weed =.=' I spend more time with him because he understands me well. I have my mom, my dad. The ones that completes every family tree. Friends? Countless but these are the best ; Eqa Mazhar, Shakeyna Nurul, Natasha Razak, Amier Nasir, Siti Nur Abilah. Enemies? Hmm, dont try to be one. You'll be sorry. Currently I'm furthering my studies in Diploma Hotel & Catering management. I enjoy learning this shit. But I'm not enjoying where my college is located. Sabak Bernam =.=' pfftt. Relationship status? Single and loving it. I broke up with my last ex somewhere in July 2011. So much for his " I love you, I miss you " what-so-ever. Right now, I'm just keeping myself busy with my studies. Boys? Just for fun :) I'm a smoker. A very heavy one. Dunhill's my favourite. But I can go with anything actually. I smoke weed once. That's when my brother asked me if I wanna try. Bodoh akem. That's the last of it. Not gonna try anymore. I don't hangout that much. I prefer the walking alone at the park or going to a calm place where there's no noise. The huha huha, err, not so much. I'm not the sexy kinda girl. I don't go out wearing hotpants/sleeveless outfit etc. I like jeans and tees. Simple as that. I'm short in person. 155cm. I'm a skinny ass too. 43kg. I like shopping. Yuh, like every girl does. I'm a handbag collecter. I have tons of handbags in my room. I could even open a store. haha. kiddinggg. I own a cat. The name's Juno. Juno is my baby. I took care of her since she was just a tiny wittle baby :') I don't wear plenty of make ups. Powder, eyeliner, eyebrows done and a dash of lipgloss. I love my hair. I once cut it short. Okay, regretful. No more short hair. I'm not choosy at choosing friends. You wanna be my friend, with honor. You don't wanna be my friend, yeah, with honor as well. Omaigad, suddenly I'm running out of ideas. haha. okay, I think I wanna stop now. kbye