You know, I tried. I tried so hard to put this together. I tried to be different, I tried to be strong, I tried to be mean and wild. Just to run away from the fact that I love this one guy and he's just not coming back. I never wanna stop believing. I never even thought about stop hoping. I have faith for the hundreds and million times I've said already. But then, I realized that no matter how hard it would be, I have to. I saw a picture of a girl with him and all of a sudden my brain stops thinking, my heart starts pumping and my breath couldn't reach out. For 3minutes of blackout, something hit me in the head. " What now? Still gonna wait for him?? " The hurting does get even worse this time and the more it hurts the more I make a big step back. I don't wanna get it right anymore. I don't wanna impress anymore. I guess that girl must be your special someone and I must say that I don't like to interfere people's relationship. Even if I still have this little amount of love for you, I might as well have to throw it away. Accepting the truth that ' Boys will always be Boys '. And you wanna know something R.A, even if it hurts so badly, I don't know why I'm so stupid enough to stay. I don't know why I love you. I just don't know why. :'(

People change, so can I.

I never thought it would be this challenging but somehow facing it is the best way. I've been staying as the same person for many years already. I don't change frequently like any other people do. So recently, this situation happened and I have to toughen up. Set my heart and eyes to something else and not to that one thing I wanted but can never have. Its pretty hard to have friends that tries to stop you from doing the things you do. Okay, actually I'm stuck at thinking. Fuck english! okay mcm nh sebenarnye. aku rasa aku mcm tak tahan dgn perangai aku. bukan kau atau sape2 tapi perangai aku sendiri. Bila kaji diri sendiri, tengok balik rasa mcm foolish. Susah jadi manusia yang setia mcm aku nh. Balik2 nak kat satu laki jea. Asyik2 laki tuh. Macam takde laki lain. Aku tahu mmg ade, ramai, berjuta, berzillion tp malas ah. Menyusahkan. Makan masa. Jadi, cerita die skrg nh, aku kene ubah jugak sikap setia nh. Nak tgk jugak en mcm mane org tuh rasa. grr geram. Takpe. Ketabahan ape sume tuh ade lagi. tak penah2 nak terapkan.This time, things will be different. You won't be seeing the same me again. well hopefully.. =.=' you're wrong to think i can't change. I CAN OKAY! i cut my hair already =.=' whatever it is, i wanna be someone you know i can't be. bukanlah jahat kayss. tapi lain sikit lah. haa gitu kan. dah, penat nk ckp byk2. paham sendiri lah. nk sap kok lu. kbye

September Loves Me.

I almost thought that maybe September would kill me. Having thoughts that maybe I can't survive another month but... hehe, so far I managed to handle it well. Okay, here's the sip. Last Saturday, I went to I-city Shah Alam. He was there with his brother so I thought maybe it's okay for me to stop by and see him. SURPRISINGLY, his mother was there too! maigadd. Thank God I was wearing decently at that time. Trying to impress the mother lah kan. huhu. and then we text and text and text and text. :') I'm happy that we're doing fine even as exes. I've been working my ass really hard on this one. Somehow I still believe that I can change things back to way we were. Didn't I mention before? Yeah. And! Okay here's the #ThatAwkwardMoment in September. Recently I've been having dreams about him. I dreamt that he was sick, he was sweet, he was smiling, blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda... And like this morning, I dreamt about him again. At 5 in the morning, I woke up and looked at my phone if there's anything. and guess what? I got a text from him. He said " mimpi indah ;) " wadehell..... ==' but it's a good thing tho. it's pretty sweet actually. hehe :') hmm, i guess I'll stop now. I'm running out of ideas eady. kbai

There's a Sun at night?

OF COURSE THERE IS! especially when something really, reallyyyyyyyy good happened :) okay. story from A-Z lah okay?

Pada suatu hari, aku sangat mengikut perasaan marah lalu post ayat ini di Facebook " I HOPE THE NEXT GIRL GIVES YOU HERPES". ingatkan die tak terasa. lalu aku melakukan sedikit penyiasatan melalui orang2 tertentu. hasilnya? okay, die terasa. maigadd! sumpah aku nh kelam kabut. cepat2 cari idea mcm mane nak mintak maaf. asyik hantar text jea. replynye pon idok. maybe by sending him something that MAYBE he could appreciate a little and so I made him a card. I spent 3hours cutting and pasting and cutting and some more pasting and walah! I was too scared to sent right to his face so I ask someone to do the job for me. cuak okay nk taw his reaction. so I gathered all my guts to ask him if he forgives me. aku whatsapp jelah " would you forgive me? " and he replied " :) " you know, some people take this very 'silly-ly' but I dont okay! I was on the couch golek2 giggle sorang like what the hell is wrong with me? right now tgh golek2 giggle2 atas katil pulak. suka hati aku lahhhhh kan. haa. cerita die skrg, I realized that what I did was wrong eventho I hold too many grudge on him because he broke my heart, ignored me, but I have no rights to judge him. I have no rights to tell him these kinda things. I regretted. So I decided to apologize and hopefully things will get back to normal. feuhhhh