p/s ; I Love You

I don't know why am I still talking about this. Everything starts back again. Even though it's been awhile I tried to let go of the past. I mean, how can I rejoice for the future when my past still lives in the present. So here I am again. Blogging about 'The One That Got Away'. Chances of him coming back is very slim, still I wanted him to come back. Ensuring him that this time I'm working so hard, really hard to fix things. 'Broken things can be mended', with a lot of effort. I smiled at times, and I cried behind those smiles. I get really upset that he just doesn't realize how big my love for him. Maybe he thought it was just some typical love. The ones that stays and go. People have been telling me that my too-much effort haven't been paid off. Ask me why I'm still talking about it. I tried to be stronger and stronger each day. But actually, I've been strong enough to hold on to you. I don't care if I can't be the first. Even if I'm the last woman on earth, it won't even bother me. I really miss the time when I go to sleep, I would snuggle my pillow with a smile, knowing that there is actually someone out there that really love me. And when I woke up in the morning, and it was still real to me. Now that things have ended, I would only wish this is just some nightmare to me. Eventually, I'm not sleeping and the nightmare keeps going on. It gets even tougher and tougher. My heart is almost at it's stake but I'm still pushing myself to be this way. I just don't know why. I'm so lost right now Y_Y