i can honestly say, he's been on my mind since I woke up today. I look at our photographs all the time. Memories just keep coming back. I start to think about the little things, I'll remember till I cry. Then I decided to take my chances to tell him how I feel about this, and this is what I said :
" I'm sorry that I have to be honest to you tonight. I don't wanna wait a thousand years to be this honest to you. I might as well say it now. First of all, biggest apologies for everything. I mean everything that had happened between us. It's been a month now after our break up. Frankly said, it's been hard for me to go through this especially when we're still seeing each other. I keep recalling memories we created. I went to places we've been to. But slowly I can feel that we're starting to move away from each other. We see each other in college but we have to act like we're a total complete strangers. Ignoring you, ignoring me like we never knew. I know it supposed to be that way, but with you, I can't. Avoiding you is the one thing I can't get away from. I've been trying to get close to you again. I tried so hard but I guess my effort don't paid enough. That's when I realize that I have a lack of effort on you. I easily give up on you. Everytime you're trying to walk away, I didn't stand in your way. I just let you pass by. Just like what happen when you wanted to break up with me. I should've made you stay but instead I let you off. The biggest mistake so far I did to you and I hope somehow I could repay my guilts. I don't ask much from you. I don't wanna know the reason why you wanted us to break. All I wanted to know if all those months we've gone through, was it real or was it just some propaganda couples do. Just so you know, till today, I've never stop loving you. Even if my friends see me hating you, I wanted you to be the only person to know that I don't and never can hate you. I really do love you. If this seemed wrong to you, I'm sorry. I just have to let you know before you move on to another girl's arms. I can't bare to see you with another girl without knowing how I really feel..."
so that's basically what I said to him. I felt much better to just let it all out. I miss him so much :'( I miss those hugs and kisses we share. I miss everything we had. The only prayer I keep is for us to be together again. Why does it has to this hard to move on?! I tried and tried but I can't! I need him. He's all I have :'( I don't want anyone else but him :'(
I Miss You, Ridzuan Azmi. I Love You :'(