inconsistent thoughts

days flew so fast. I'll be going back to college next week. no worries. what's worth staying home doing nothing when you can have a bunch of more fun things to do when you're in college. this Tuesday I'm about to face the JPJ test. hopefully it'll go well. if there's a chance I'll pass, I'm gonna ask dad for a car. I'm not done packing stuff yet. I guess there's a lot more to buy. rumah aku takde almari! kena lah beli almari cerita die. so my weeks were dull as Mr. Bean's life until he made himself look like a fool, just trying to run away from boredom. I spent my weekends most with my family. hanging out with my cousins. my boyfriend? tell me about it. we only had a conversation last Friday! and it wasn't merry. just talking about Maharaja Lawak. and that's all. no sweet2 funny talk no more. my conscious thoughts has been telling me to just get a grip. HE'S NOT THAT INTO YOU ANYMORE! but we humans listen to our hearts rather than our conscious self. I love that guy. I really do. How is it for me to tell him so he would understand? maybe i need to talk to Oprah. the Mother of all women. dilemma slams onto my face. you know how it feels. it feels like, you're at a candy shop and you see a fluffy sugary DAMN fluffy cotton candy and then you caught your eyes on a fucking mouth watering red-ish glittery strawberry lollipop with a cute stick with turquoise and pink stick. you're stuck at choosing. somehow you have to pick. Life is about options. You pick and see where it goes. every single options we take, there's a consequences to it. whether it's good, or worse, only God knows. i tried to keep myself all prepared for the worse. there's this one time dad starts his education lectures and he said " sebok sgt nk i miss you i miss you. kang die dah tinggal kan kau lari kt org lain, haa dah resah. " nice dad. at that moment, maybe, just maybe, dad was sort of, right. i mean who knows kan. doesn't mean he stays for 2months and he wont leave you. " been there, never done that." so i guess i should be ready to face anything. as tough as a wrestler, when he gets beat up so bad, he'll fall and lose. but that doesn't mean we'll fall forever. Life is full of open doors. never mind the closed ones. if no doors is open for us, open it with our own hands. what the heck right? no one waits for us to shine. Mariah Carey wasn't born straight away on stage with a mic on her hand. Lady Gaga never thought she would end up a great performer until her piano teacher suggested she start writing a song. effort is a word you can just simply say it but the paperwork, damn, no one understands. cut short, i just wanna save my relationship and at the same time it won't bother my complicated life. Nuff said. peace

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