California Kind Bed.

since we're so far apart, the song ' California King Bed' by Rihanna fits well. so here I am, on my bed trying to end the day with a little story about today. summarizing today's agenda that is, nothing. yes, nothing. wondering why is it 'nothing'? it's a lonely dull day for me. i've been sitting at home, waiting for that only person to tell me how much he misses me or love me. even just that, i would feel much better. i could even survive the day. but right now, i can say i felt like lying down in bed drowning my eyes till it's swollen. and after that i will feel much better because in my mind, all that's left is, your decision. to love me or not. maybe previously when this kinda situation happens to me, i would just point my chin up and ready to face any consequences. not like this moment. that feeling of ready to let go, i dont have it anymore. it's because i really do believe that this time, it must be real. it must be true. too hard to escape the real truth so i made myself think that everything's okay. girls best lie, " I'm fine, I'm okay". still, no one gets it. it takes a long time for someone to understand something that has been shown with their own eyes. however,it made us stronger. even if when it comes to the lowest point in their lives, they'll end up standing up with their weak shaky self. sometimes, i would crouch down to my knees and pleaded to God to open up my heart and make me tough. unfornately, i still, can't :'(

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