via komputer riba

ahhh, it has been a while i update my blog thru my laptop. I miss those days when i depend so much on my laptop to go on social networks such as facebook and twitter. Now, my laptop is currently being used by my dad. Going through all my pictures and videos that i kept inside my laptop made me realized of how older i'm getting. My life has changed a lot. It seems funny looking back at my past. My pasts were funny as hell! All my exes, my friends, and even some of them turned into enemies, people i know became someone i knew. I found myself laughing about all the things that had happen.

My air-conditioner is going crazy right now. The little light on the machine is blinking and my room temperature is getting hotter. Here i am, lying on my bed, accompanied with one of my favorite slow songs 'Almost Is Never Enough' by Ariana Grande ft Nathan Sykes. The modern version of Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men. Nothing feels better than being in my comfort zone where there's nothing to worry about. Oh except my trashy living room. Mom's gonna kill me the next morning. Hmm. My thoughts tonight are, how do i say, safe. I'm not in my melancholic mood tonight. More to, i love my bed and the weather tonight. I can never get a good sleep though. Its this insomnia thing i had since my last semester. All the late stay up till the sun rise, still intact.

Maybe i should start looking for a job soon. Goodnight.

Permainan Syaitan.

Mimpi.

Aku rasa dreamcatcher yang aku buat semalam mcm, menjadi. Tak tahu lah. Tapi malam td, aku mimpi. Tak tahu lah nk kata mimpi indah atau buruk. Aku mimpi. Dan dia ada. Elok aku punya ingatan tentang dia hampir luput, dia datang balik.

The dream.
I was playing around with two cute babies. And i sort of said that i wish those babies were mine.
And then,
He showed up.
He said something like those babies are our babies.
I told him to stay away from me
But he kept telling me the babies are ours.
He even wrote it on a paper.
I can't recall every pieces of the dream.
It was blurry.
But his face was crystal clear.

Mimpi kan? Permainan syaitan. Aku harap...

"Mimpi hanya mimpi. Takkan jadi realiti..."

Night Owl.

Masih berjaga dgn nota cost control.
Baca dan baca dan baca dan baca.
Apa yang aku baca aku pon tak tahu. Dr td pening lagi. Nak tawakal pon aku taknak masuk dewan melenggang. Tak sanggup.

"Ya Allah, permudahkanlah segala urusanku esok. Bukalah seluas2nya pintu ilmu untukku."

Focus dah lari. Fikir nak balik jea. Nak kerja, nk carik duit, nk shopping. Otak dkt situ jea. Cost control nh, aduhai... tak tahu lahh. Takpelah. Teruskan membaca sampai pagi esok. Doa yang terbaik.

Goodnight.

Gula dan garam.

Dah 3 tahun kita menetap dkt hutan sabak nh. Mcm2 dugaan dan kisah kita simpan. Mcm2 aktiviti dan jalan dah kita lalui. Sg apong, teluk rhu, bno, tanah lesen, parit baru, pekan cowboy, sg besar, pekan sabak. Habis satu sabak kita jelajah. Dah 3 tahun aku belajar dkt Politeknik Sultan Idris Shah nh, seriously and honestly say, aku rasa beruntung gila tercampak dkt hutan nh. Social life aku pon tak terlalu hebat sbb hutan kan? So takde ape. Tp i have my friends. Bukan sekadar kawan biasa yg jumpa2 jea, "eh hi!". Nh yg kawan jenis, "tasha! Kau free tak? Lpk jom. Ade story.", "tasha, saya ada masalah. Nk kongsi dgn awak","weh tasha, kau dgn sape skrg?" "Tasha, jom makan. Kite belanja". Yeah, those kind of friends yg aku simpan. Time die ade masalah, die cerita dkt kite. Time kite ade masalah, die sudi pinjamkan telinga. Yg sentiasa doakan kesejahteraan kawan2. Ha giteww. Tp bila dah nak habis belajar nh, aku sedar jugak ramai yg dah mula tunjuk belang masing2. Malas lah nk ckp. Kang panjang lagi ceritanyeww. Tp alhamdulillah, Allah temukan aku masa sem1 dgn sahabat yg aku akan jaga sampai aku mati. Roomate aku time sem1. Walaupon skrg masing2 dah duduk rumah sewa lain2 tp masih rajin dtg jemput aku dgn kina pegi jalan2 luangkan masa bersama. Jah, kina dan dhilah. I am definitely going to miss you guys a lot after this. Jah, jaga lah diri elok2. Jgn carik penyakit. Dhilah, focus more on yourself than thinking about love. You are the only person that you need to pursue a better future and kina, if you love cooking, then go for it. Kalau dah ade motivation nak kurus, usaha kan. Mungkin aku pon ade bnde yg aku kne igtkan diri aku sendiri jugak. Tuhlah sbb adenye korg. Kalau takde korg, mungkin aku dah berhenti belajar, kot? Haha.

Anyways, thanks for the memories. A very good 3 years indeed.

Disappearance.

Since everything had broken into little tiny micro pieces, the wind decided to just blow it away just to make sure i won't pick up those pieces back and put them back together again. But too bad, the wind is blowing those dust all over my face.

Its pretty hard. I mean, its not that it hasn't been this hard before. Maybe i need some more time to let all the memories slip away. Even hearing the word 'Starbucks' or 'stars' or 'cockroach', then all of the things we used to do or say, it replays again inside my head.

Dont ask me. I dont even know why am i so attached to you. You gave me like 20% effort but i'm still hanging on as if you gave me so much or too much to cherish. Maybe i just miss all the memories as much as i miss you. Even if i'm no longer talking to you or even looking at you in the eyes, i still feel like it was just yesterday i last talked to you. But no. That was 4months ago.

Now, after all the blurred things has become so clear to you, you've vanished completely. You are out of sight. It was never in my thoughts of pushing you away after what you did. I was trying to make you see how hard this is for me to completely not being myself and tell you how much you mean to me. I was never in my own state when i tried to make you see that behind those smiles you shared with that someone whom you should know that she belongs to someone else, that was all less than what i can provide.

I just hope one day, just one fine day, you'll find your way back to me. Although i might act like i'm no longer interested, but believe me, with all my heart, i will never let you disappear again. I'm still here. Keeping your seat empty.

I miss you, F.