Monster within us.

To wake up, and to look at your phone and there's no text messages for you, to see that there's no missed calls from the person you expected. When you feel like you've plenty of credits but you don't seem to be using them a lot, and then realized that you have no one to talk to. Felt lonely at the moment you look through your inbox messages. How can you handle your feelings? Wouldn't it be easier if you could just forget and laugh? Wouldn't it be fun if you could just say " Hey! " to the whole world so that they can see that you're happy and don't seem to be having any problems in life? Wouldn't it be happy to just be happy for one second and enjoy the rest of it ? But then, you'll realize that no one needs you. And thank God there's dream so that everyone could run away from real life for awhile. Because I don't think I could handle real life.

Valentines Day? Pffttt

Hmm, let's see. Tomorrow's Valentines Day and guess what? I have no one to wish that to :') But I don't mind. Its not like we Muslims can celebrate that day. Haram you know... ==' Okay, so me and Adam, now, are not talking to each other anymore. I decided to just pull us apart rather than falling for someone who's never going to be ready for me. But that's okay. I'm better off this way plus I'm already used to it so it doesn't affect me a lot *lying. From the day I was born, I've never gave up on anything. I believe that someday, jyeah someday :') it will all be okay. Somehow I just have to keep my faith still. My biggest weakness can never be my biggest path of failure but it will be my strength to keep moving on. Damn, ape kebenda aku mencarut nh? Nice words from someone you don't expect to be nice. Haha. Oh oh! And and, I've never stop thinking of " Budak Comel ". Cumon! When can I ever talk to you!? We keep staring at each other but its just that. hmm, nak hampa lagi kea? Okayy :/ Hopefully someday I'll get the chance to talk to you :)

Should I go through this again?

for shashonnn ONLY :) :

Adam Jamil January 17 at 1:05am

the moody situation that we been through please forgiiiiiiiiiiiivvvvvvvveeeeee me shashon and i admit im full of goofing around and never think about your feelings. i swear to be more careful next time around. You are my first priority right nowwwww ! nothing else ! and i felt very awful to make you angry ! please please and please be gila gila back for meeee ! im glad that you answered my calls and to hear your voice is such a relief.

K-Ci & JoJo - All My Life

www.youtube.com

Music video by K-Ci & JoJo performing All My Life. (C) 1998 Geffen Records


I don't know where's the flaws between us. After the day we met, you didn't text me and when I'd text you, you said you were busy with your friends. So what's the point you mentioned " You are my first priority right now. "? And there comes a time when I need you the most. When I feel like breaking down, when I feel like crying, I need you here with me even if you can't drive all the way just to see me or whatever. I just wanna feel that you are here. :'( Then like just now, we were texting and I asked you " Eh adam, pagois tuh ape? " , " Hahaha mane u tahu pagois ? U stalk eyh ? Haha susah nak terang " , " Hehe :p alahh cptlah cptlah! " , " Haha klau i ckp klcc dekat pagois maknenya klcc jauh gila. Paham ? " , " Ohh. Okay paham :) " , " Haha asal u tye ? " , " Saje nak taw. Hehe " , " Bgtaw ah ? " , " Alahh. I saje nk taw. Tuh jea " , " Dh tak nak ckp dgn u dh klau u tak bgtau." , " :'( " , " Baek bgtau! " , " I dah ckpkan i saje nk taw " , " Tiba2 u tnye pastu i takde ckp pagois smlm " , " Hmm, i tye jea :( " , " Hrmm okay " , " Hmm. Takpelah. U mcm taknak ckp dgn i. Bye. " , " U tak bgtaw i mane u tahu perkataan tu sape suruh. Bye " , " Don't talk to me. I don't need you " , " I pening lah dgn u ni, kejap marah dgn kwn u pastu dgn i. Lantak u lahh nk buat ape! I nk pg club mlm ni. "

So, I know it may seemed ' remeh-temeh ' but once a guy talks to you this way, it breaks your whole heart. I don't know. Maybe seeing me made you this way. Maybe because you were expecting a ' something ' girl but what you see on that day was... nothing?

But that's okay. Since I've known you, I've never been so weak. You are my biggest weakness still you are my strongest strength. Whenever you left me like this, I feel so weak. I feel like there's no one in this world that I need the most other than you. I've been in this situation so many times, Adam. And what I expect from you is a different way of treating me but I guess it will still be the same like the others. I'm sorry but honestly, you're pushing me one step back from you. I always wanted to tell you this, but I know I won't get the chance. I love you :')

The Month of Love :)

Me and Natasha Razak went out to Kuala Lumpur. At first, the main point going there is to finish my assignment. But before I started my assignment, I grant my first wish to meet the always-talked-about guy, ADAM! haha. And alhamdulillah dapat jumpa die. :') Walaupon kejap :/ jea dpt jumpa, tak kesah lah kan. Sempat jugak die ajar ayat2 nh shomat, dungkuds lahh ape lagi ntah. haha bahasa orang Bukit Indah. :p I had fun seeing him though. Lepastuh, nak taw sape lagi ade? Jayamala dengan Kina pon ade oh! haha. Tak dpt nk lpk lama sket sbb korang pon kne balik awal kan. Takpe, next time ade. Haa nh yang nak cerita nh. Look who me and Natasha Razak finally get to meet :

Farisha lah weyh! Berkurun berzaman berabad bertahun nak jumpa tapi tak dpt2 dan alhamdulillah dapat jugak jumpe kan kan? Eh, ade kea korang panggil aku Kak Long?! watta*&&%@$ saya baru 19. Muda lagi, kay? ==' Plus, nh satu jea gambar ktorg together. Sebab masing2 pon dah nak pulang by that time, so , hmmmmmm gitulah ceritonyo.

Soo yang nh pulak Emmy Emmyra eh name die? Haa. Actually aku baru kenal die nh. She's Farisha's friend. Pernah nampak her facebook page but tersangatlah segannnn ;p but she's cool though. Can get water inside your head lahh. Faham enn? (Y) btw, gambar nh is located at Old Town Pavilion. Mee curry dah sedap, slack air kau kelat. bluwekkk

oh yah! In this picture, next to me, that's him :')

Too good to be true.

Nowadays, I know we'll make friends through the internet. Social chatting website ==' The closest and the most simplest example? Facebook. Haha. Okay, bukan nk bukak cerita lama but teringin nk cerita. So, I known this ' minah otak tak betul agaknye ' . Her name is.... nak sebut kea? Nak kea nak kea? Sebut lah eh? Okay. Name die pika muhammad. Cerita die mcm nh lah. I've known this minah since like for so long. Kenal dekat? Yes, Facebook. ==' memang perosak bnde nh. When we were friends, die mmg caring tahap cipan tenuk gaban segala lah. Kalau aku ade masalah dgn lelaki, I would tell her, share with her and she would calm me down. How sweet, kan? ==' So during November kea October, I'm with this guy ( name tak nak sebut sbb tak perlu ). Mase tarikh cantik nh [ 11.11.2010 ], we broke up. Then I bgtaw lah dkt minah nh sbb nk kongsi2 cerita. Tak salah kan? And then, punyelah die maki hamun si mamat nh sbb break dgn aku padahal aku mcm " hmm, what to do lah kannnn... " After a few weeks tak online sbb aku dah menetap dkt tempat belajar, wifi takde, laptop takde, teringin lah rase nk online kejap Facebook nh sbb nk borak dgn kawan2. Then, nak post something dkt wall minah tuh. Haa, dengan expression muka terkejut berok masa aku bukak wall die, TERnampak lah status mengenai mamat yang break sekian sekian dengan aku tuh TAPI ade symbol ( heart ). Heyy, ape nh ? Dah maki2 tapi alih2 kau pulak yang tergedek2 kt die? Halamak. Terus aku dengan perasaan benci lagi marah menghantar text message kat die. Macam nh terus aku hantar " Kau ade ape2 nk bgtaw aku kea?" Haaa liddat you know. Then ecehh, pura2 tataw kunun. Tokse lerr nk sorok2 dgn aku. Kalau ye pon nk bercintun cinten dgn ex aku, coverline biar cantik lah. Bukan sbb aku sayang kt ex aku lagi, sebab KAU MEMBER AKU. ehemm, skrg BEKAS okay? BEKAS. Boleh eja? B-E-K-A-S. Haa pandai. So after aku text die, die berkunun lah ckp nk delete everything pasal mamat berkenaan dan meminta lah maaf kepadaku. Then, ape kau igt aku nk forgive kau mcm tuh jea? Lagi2 yang paling terbaik skali, KAU DELETE AKU DARI FACEBOOK. Pehh, kau mmg number 1. Lepastuh I decided to post a status about her maybe any of her friends in my friendlist would love to pass it to her, mane tahu kan? :') And what I remember, this is what I posted " I don't trust Facebook friends. Macam pantat. Ooppss " haha tak cool kan? I know. Then, cepat lah teka siapa yang like that status? Haaa... Lu ape? Lu pikiaq lah sorang2. All of a sudden aku jadi tak paham. Ishh ape nh? Apehal minah nk buat mcm nh kt aku then mamat nh like pulak? Adakah mereka?? Ohh, tak mungkin. :|

So, the moral of the story is.. Nak berkawan, sangat boleh. BOLEH SANGAT! Allah tak larang umat2nye untuk berkawan. Tapi setakat nak kawan sebab nk kutip (&^^%$#@ haa paham kan? takpayah lah. Sumpah you dickheads are wasting mine and other people's time. Semua manusia, I believe, malas nak bergaduh, malas nak maki hamun caci cela kutuk kutik nganjing membabi orang2 mcm nh.

So, to Pika Muhammad, I don't know what in the hell is wrong with you. Muka lawa tp perangai sangat hancing. I misjudged you because I thought you were nice. And in case you're reading this, I don't give a damn what you're about to say. I've made my words. I spit this shit just for you and you can't blame this on me." You jumped into a puddle of pig shit and you still have to take a shower yourself ". Don't tell me I'm wrong. Don't assume me being bitchy. Oh, you can. Because, whatever sorta shit you wanna say about me, things will never be the way it used to. Still, knowing you is my biggest mistake.