Why me : Why not you?

it gets even emotional when you're sitting all alone and then you're pushing yourself to think about the past. I know it's difficult to put a side these kinda things. So what if I'm a little frigid? People may see me as a girl that can hold a tornado. I smile, I laugh after breaking up with my ex. Duh, does anyone knows what's happening inside me? Does anyone understand what am I going thru? I guess not. I'm fragile you fuck ups. I might have the tendency to fall apart so badly when dealing with this shit. So I was wondering why me? Why should I be the one that has to cry and blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda and why not you? For once, I would love to know that there's someone out there who would cry and blah blah blah thinking of me. To be precise : thinking about how we used to be. Sweet and lovable. I see myself as loyal person. I stick to that one person I really love because somehow I have the strongest faith in love, even tho on the other hand may not take this seriously. Sometimes, I want to know how it feels to cheat. Having a boyfriend and then at the same time going out with other guys and don't give a fuck what will my boyfriend thinks and say. I want to learn how to be heartless but I'M A HUMAN YOW! Humans have hearts! How can they be heartless? Some can be that way, but like I could. pfftt. See. How tough can I be when I have so much of the sweet side in me. LOL! I mean, seriously say, I can't do that even when I want to. Come to think of it, I have really high believes in Karma. What comes around comes around? Yeah, that one. I don't tend to hurt people. Even when I do, I ask for their forgiveness. Either they want to forgive me or not, who the hell cares. I commit my guilt to them so what to expect. Cut the story short ; I hope one day, just one day, a guy shows up in my life and this time, it ain't a joke. It won't be something I would only smile for a few days or weeks or months. Someone that could bare with my shitty attitude still giving me advice to change. Someone who would appreciate me for being there for him, to love and care for him. To cherish every moment. To wipe all my tears and sorrow and to tell me that the past is just memories for me to laugh about and always remind me that the future would be brighter with his existence. * I didn't really cut it short right? HAHA whatever. That's all. My heart is now written here. So in case you don't have any idea how my heart is doing right now, this is quite enough right? Thanks for reading :')