You and I.

sometimes, when i looked back at our old pictures, it reminded me how we were so so happy that time, even if my mood was running down but your presence made me happy and happier. and to see that now we weren't like that anymore, it felt like something between us is wrecking. whether it's just me or, i dont know. hmm. maybe because we don't spend so much time together like in college. you got more things to think about and i, aaa, i don't know. how can i spice up this relationship so that it wont stay dull? i just miss every sweet things we've gone through. but yeah, like once he said " takkan lah setiap masa nk bunga-bunga?". i still remember that. but i cant. i'm not that person who wants to be serious all the time. i want to be pampered all the time, especially by the guy i really love the most. i'm trying to be the best but i think my best isn't good enough. i feel like crying but my tears just won't go out, so i would just keep all of those tears inside until the right time comes. i really love that guy so much. i don't know if he sees that :( i wanna lean on your shoulder and snuggle next to you. i wanna hold you as long as i can. i wanna sing songs with you and scream out loud and laugh about it. i want you to pinch my cheeks. i want you to scrunch my hair, play with my hair. for crying out loud, I Miss You A LOT! :( i feel like telling you to quit your job and just spend your time with me but i know i can't. but then, i realized that i kept messing things up with you. with my dumbass attitude (tarik2 muka) and stuff that can turn your grinning smile into dead silence. once i had an ex who always pampers me with love and care but he turned to be a sicko. and i expected you to be just like that, just better so i could love you even more. things got really hard when it gets longer. i don't know how to keep myself strong so that i wont be this weak. you are by fact my strongest strength still you are my biggest weakness. you made me strong when i'm feeling weak. but now, when i'm at my breaking point, you...weren't there for me. :( i love you b. i really do. i never wished for much. you on your own is enough. i don't care what people might say about us. i'm happy as long as i'm with you. i just want you to understand that. hopefully, you'll be the one i would take with till the end of my life. i just want to be with you. no one else. :(

I love you, Ridzuan Azmi. <3