Masih berjaga dgn nota cost control.
Baca dan baca dan baca dan baca.
Apa yang aku baca aku pon tak tahu. Dr td pening lagi. Nak tawakal pon aku taknak masuk dewan melenggang. Tak sanggup.
"Ya Allah, permudahkanlah segala urusanku esok. Bukalah seluas2nya pintu ilmu untukku."
Focus dah lari. Fikir nak balik jea. Nak kerja, nk carik duit, nk shopping. Otak dkt situ jea. Cost control nh, aduhai... tak tahu lahh. Takpelah. Teruskan membaca sampai pagi esok. Doa yang terbaik.
Goodnight.
Dah 3 tahun kita menetap dkt hutan sabak nh. Mcm2 dugaan dan kisah kita simpan. Mcm2 aktiviti dan jalan dah kita lalui. Sg apong, teluk rhu, bno, tanah lesen, parit baru, pekan cowboy, sg besar, pekan sabak. Habis satu sabak kita jelajah. Dah 3 tahun aku belajar dkt Politeknik Sultan Idris Shah nh, seriously and honestly say, aku rasa beruntung gila tercampak dkt hutan nh. Social life aku pon tak terlalu hebat sbb hutan kan? So takde ape. Tp i have my friends. Bukan sekadar kawan biasa yg jumpa2 jea, "eh hi!". Nh yg kawan jenis, "tasha! Kau free tak? Lpk jom. Ade story.", "tasha, saya ada masalah. Nk kongsi dgn awak","weh tasha, kau dgn sape skrg?" "Tasha, jom makan. Kite belanja". Yeah, those kind of friends yg aku simpan. Time die ade masalah, die cerita dkt kite. Time kite ade masalah, die sudi pinjamkan telinga. Yg sentiasa doakan kesejahteraan kawan2. Ha giteww. Tp bila dah nak habis belajar nh, aku sedar jugak ramai yg dah mula tunjuk belang masing2. Malas lah nk ckp. Kang panjang lagi ceritanyeww. Tp alhamdulillah, Allah temukan aku masa sem1 dgn sahabat yg aku akan jaga sampai aku mati. Roomate aku time sem1. Walaupon skrg masing2 dah duduk rumah sewa lain2 tp masih rajin dtg jemput aku dgn kina pegi jalan2 luangkan masa bersama. Jah, kina dan dhilah. I am definitely going to miss you guys a lot after this. Jah, jaga lah diri elok2. Jgn carik penyakit. Dhilah, focus more on yourself than thinking about love. You are the only person that you need to pursue a better future and kina, if you love cooking, then go for it. Kalau dah ade motivation nak kurus, usaha kan. Mungkin aku pon ade bnde yg aku kne igtkan diri aku sendiri jugak. Tuhlah sbb adenye korg. Kalau takde korg, mungkin aku dah berhenti belajar, kot? Haha.
Anyways, thanks for the memories. A very good 3 years indeed.
Since everything had broken into little tiny micro pieces, the wind decided to just blow it away just to make sure i won't pick up those pieces back and put them back together again. But too bad, the wind is blowing those dust all over my face.
Its pretty hard. I mean, its not that it hasn't been this hard before. Maybe i need some more time to let all the memories slip away. Even hearing the word 'Starbucks' or 'stars' or 'cockroach', then all of the things we used to do or say, it replays again inside my head.
Dont ask me. I dont even know why am i so attached to you. You gave me like 20% effort but i'm still hanging on as if you gave me so much or too much to cherish. Maybe i just miss all the memories as much as i miss you. Even if i'm no longer talking to you or even looking at you in the eyes, i still feel like it was just yesterday i last talked to you. But no. That was 4months ago.
Now, after all the blurred things has become so clear to you, you've vanished completely. You are out of sight. It was never in my thoughts of pushing you away after what you did. I was trying to make you see how hard this is for me to completely not being myself and tell you how much you mean to me. I was never in my own state when i tried to make you see that behind those smiles you shared with that someone whom you should know that she belongs to someone else, that was all less than what i can provide.
I just hope one day, just one fine day, you'll find your way back to me. Although i might act like i'm no longer interested, but believe me, with all my heart, i will never let you disappear again. I'm still here. Keeping your seat empty.
I miss you, F.
Nak taknak kena jugak.
Biar bengkak mata
Biar tak cukup tidur
Aku buat nh sume utk kau
Utk kau juga
Janji dgn aku
Yang kau takkan hampakan aku
Boleh eh Law? Aku dah tak larat nak hadap kau lagi nh.
Cukuplah org dah pijak aku, tikam blkng aku, guna2kan aku selama hari. Bila aku buat baik, nh lah die. Bila aku buat taik sikit, terus judge aku. Ckplah aku nh bitch lah liar lah kasar lah ape lah. Aku biar lah org nk ckp mcm tuh dkt aku. Org2 tuh tak knl aku. Aku takde masalah langsung doh kalau org buat baik dgn aku. Aku buat baik balik. Tp bila org dah layan aku mcm shit, kau expect aku still senyum dan biar kau layan aku mcm shit habis2an? Kau silap lah john. Aku dah muak dgn sisa2 karma aku dr zaman dulu disebabkan kesalahan org lain.
"Aku buat baik dgn org, org baling taik dkt aku, karma sampai dkt aku dulu."
Tp takpelah. Allah itu maha adil. Bukan nak sembang agama pulak, tp we all know life is fair. Sesusah2nye hidup atas dunia nh, bila org yg campak kite kebawah untuk berada diatas, bila kite usaha utk capai keatas, org tuh jugak yg akan mintak pertolongan kite. Time tuh lah die akan igt pepatah melayu bujang,
"Baru kau tahu langit tuh tinggi ke rendah."
Aku dah serik kne game dgn org. Setiap kali aku cuba lari dari org2 mcm nh, die akan dtg balik. Aku anggap ini sbg lagi satu ujian utk aku. Cuma aku slalu igtkan diri aku sendiri utk stay strong and have faith on myself.